


Walk Like A Man

by mvernet



Series: Walk Like A Man [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: ARS (Acute Radiation Syndrome), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexuality, Car Accidents, Early Season Eight, First Kiss, M/M, Out of Character Junior, Possible Mpreg, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Slash, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 01:01:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15207386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mvernet/pseuds/mvernet
Summary: Because of Steve's ARS (Acute Radiation Syndrome) he decides to distance himself from Danny.Takes place early in season eight, but takes an AU/Fantasy turn.





	1. Go Away I'm No Good For You

Danny had felt the bottom fall out of his world when Steve so casually mentioned that he was suffering from radiation poisoning due to their unfortunate encounter with a dirty bomb. Danny kept his cool at the time, trying to give his exasperating partner the space he needed to deal with the news. Of all the ways Steve McGarrett, super SEAL of steel, might bring to an end his crazy life, Danny had never considered the big C.

From day one Danny had made it his purpose in life to keep his part Ninja warrior, part Peter Pan partner alive. He took pride in drilling sense into his goofy head and teaching him to be a civilized human as opposed to the feral animal he resembled. Danny was also proud of being a detective and a good cop. A cop who had skills the super-SEAL needed to learn to be able to run an effective task force. Steve had seemed to respond over the years. He’d heard the sincerity behind Danny’s rants and told Danny he loved him after every near-death experience.

Danny quickly grew to love Steve, too. He had always been able to express love easily, it never made a difference to him if it was his platonic buddy or a girlfriend. The tough streets of Newark taught him quickly about homophobia, but when his brother Matty, at age thirteen, came out to him as gay, he knew it honestly made no difference to him. His own feelings of love were truly unconditional. It felt natural to him to hug and kiss his male family members and friends, even if it sometimes made him the butt of obscene jokes from insecure he-men.

With Steve, Danny had a unique and comfortable partnership. One where they bickered and sniped like an old married couple and occasionally found themselves cuddled on the couch eating popcorn from the same bowl. To Danny, his relationship with Steve was never odd or inappropriate. It felt natural to them both. On a few terrifying occasions the partners had been known to crawl into each other’s bed just to make sure one or the other of them were still alive. 

The first time had been after Danny’s ex-partner Meka’s funeral. Danny had crept into McGarrett’s place at half past dark in the morning. His brain muddled by insomnia and vivid nightmares, he just wanted to make sure he hadn’t lost yet another partner snatched from him by phantom demons. He watched Steve sleep until the tight, flesh-and-blood coil that was his heart began to unwind. 

He had turned to leave but then stopped when he heard a soft sound. Danny turned and saw that Steve had lifted the covers in a silent offer of comfort. Danny kicked off his shoes and crawled into Steve’s warm waiting arms and knew from then on he would try his very best to protect Steve from harm and care for his hurts. Danny would gladly die for him and proved it to him on a regular basis. That night they slept soundly, both taking a silent vow to go no further and to never talk about their unusual closeness when the Hawaiian sun burned away the shadows of the night. 

Now, seven years later, Danny wanted Steve to be his forever. When they had saved the island paradise from being blown into oblivion, Danny began to see things differently. Steve was a beautiful man and he let himself notice it. He wanted to run his restaurant with him, retire with him and grow old with him. He was waiting for the right time to tell Steve how his feelings had changed. He hardly knew what had happened himself. Maybe the knowledge that Steve was now proven to be as vulnerable as Danny always thought he was had awakened emotions he never knew he had. He wanted to love him, make love to him everyday. He wanted more than platonic comfort when life had beaten them down. It wasn’t even about the sex although Danny knew it would be sensational if his fantasies were even partially correct. If Steve would consider taking the hand of a walking wounded, burned out cop bastard like himself, Danny wanted to marry him. 

Steve was perfectly okay with their relationship, seemed to consider his intimacy with Danny an extra touchy-feely form of male bonding, and Danny never doubted that Steve loved him on that level. Danny suspected that Steve was bi-sexual or even a gay man so far in the closet the ex-SEAL could launch an attack on Narnia. The few conversations Danny had hesitantly aimed in that direction hit a blockade and was labeled highly classified information, do not enter.

They were good with where they were. Even double dated on occasion. Danny kept his jealousy hidden deep inside and tried to deal with the loneliness that darkened his heart when he was alone in his bed late at night. Danny tried to tell himself he had the best of both worlds. He could have sex with a beautiful woman, and when he needed to feel loved and comforted, he was welcomed into his best friend’s arms if not his bed. He had a beautiful daughter, a sweet son, and a magnificent partner who lit up his world. 

~~~5-0~~~

Danny never knocked on the door at Steve’s place, but today as he walked right in, he was extra cautious. He wanted to scare the bejeezus out of his partner with the hideous and expensive Halloween monster mask he was wearing. It had seemed like an awesome idea when he entered the McGarrett home, but he hadn’t factored in all the various repercussions of his joke.

The house was empty as he crept around, ready to growl out a scary ‘good morning.’ He stood looking out at the lanai wondering why Eddie-doggie was outside alone, playing with a well-chewed frisbee. 

When he was grabbed from behind.

Danny’s arm was twisted painfully behind his back as a tall menace tore off his mask and hissed in his ear. “Murderer. He was a good man. My good man. Why? Why did you kill him?”

Danny’s body was pushed against the wall, toppling a table and sending coffee mugs crashing to the floor on the way. His attacker pulled and twisted his arm till he heard the snap of ligaments as his elbow joint folded unnaturally. Danny screamed as fire seared up his arm and blasted his brain. He tried to think. Tried to breathe through and fight back.

“Wha’ the… who? Get… get off of me, you son of a muzzled monkey. Where… Steve? Steve!”

Danny struggled against the madman’s muscular arms. His attacker’s hot breath was on his neck. The pain in his twisted elbow was excruciating. He heard the man behind him gasp and loosen his grip slightly on Danny’s arm. Danny took his chance and jolted backwards, throwing his hard head into the man’s face and kicking out with his foot. They both ended up on the floor with Danny on top. His left arm lay limp at his side and he couldn’t feel his fingers. Finally was able to reach his gun, Danny wasted no time in pressing against his attacker’s temple.

“Where’s Steve, you stinking sack of rat puke. Who the freakin’ hello are you?”

The young, trim, muscular young man under him seemed to deflate and turn into himself. His large brown eyes brimmed with tears as he muttered, “Sorry, Sir. Sorry, Sir,” over and over again.

Danny struggled with his pain and his mouth. He’d promised himself he’d stop cursing because of his young son, Charlie, parrotting his every word and it was harder to give up than Cocoa Puffs. He dearly wanted to tell off this trembling psycho kid with some choice New Jersey curses. Instead, he took a deep breath.

“Tell me where Steve is and why you are here polluting his home.”

The oversized boy seemed to calm a bit. “C...court, Sir. Commander McGarrett is at court. He… he said I could bunk with him. I’m Junior Reigns, Sir. You’re the Commander’s partner, aren’t you? He… he showed me your picture. I... I’m so sorry, Detective Williams.”

“Junior? What the fish spit kinda name is...is Junior?” Danny grumbled. He holstered his gun and slowly slumped to the side, letting Junior up. It seemed like such a good idea he let himself go and groaned as he lay back on the floor cradling his injured and no doubt screwed up arm. “Oh, Mylanta that hurts!”

Danny was decidedly dizzy as he watched Junior get shakily to his knees beside him. Snark was the only way Danny could stop from crying. “Pleased to meet you. Steve has told me so little about you. Like he never mentioned that you like long walks on the beach and killing people. Makes a wonderful first impression that. So looking forward to training you. I’ll buy a leash and a whip. I’d shake, but I think I’ll pass out instead.”

“Detective Williams, Sir. Stay awake, please!” Junior reached for his phone. “I’m so so sorry. I… I need to call an ambulance. I… I think… oh, God. I broke your arm.”

Danny touched Junior lightly with his hand that was still mobile. “No. Wait. You can take me in my car. First tell me what you meant when you called me a murderer.” 

Junior wiped his sweaty face with his palm. “I don’t remember, Sir. I kind of blacked-out.”

“PTSD? Flashbacks from the SEALS?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“You called me a murderer. Said I killed your good man.”

Junior visibly deflated and started to tremble. “My… my… friend. Neal. He… he died in my arms, killed by a sniper. It was just a local kid, taking pot shots, Sir. We were off duty… talking, hanging out. Neal was laughing…”

Danny cringed in sympathy having his own flashback to his old partner, Grace, shot before his eyes. And on the numerous times had he held onto Steve, willing him to keep breathing. “Worst feeling in the world. I know. You and this Neal. You two were close?”

“Yes, Sir. We… I loved him. More than life itself… Sir.”

Danny was well aware that when an uptight Navy SEAL started using the “L” word he was on the verge of an emotional breakdown and that was never good for anyone. He backed off and tried to lighten the mood as best he could.

“Okay, buddy. I get it. Settle down and get your breathing under control. I’m not the enemy and I’m pissed as fu… frizzle, but I understand. I...uh...I guess it was stupid of me to wear a mask into a house full of hair trigger crazy SEALs. Does Steve know about these attacks?”

Junior hesitated. “No, Sir. I thought maybe they would stop when I …”

“Okay. Okay. We’ll deal with fallout later. Help me sit up.” Junior immediately cradled Danny’s body and helped him raise his head, keeping him steady as the room spun. Danny took a moment to catch his breath. “Just my luck to have to take care of two squirrelly SEALS. I should open a human animal training and rehabilitation center. Maybe I’ll put it in...in my will. I… I can’t move my arm. Get something to use as a sling, Junior Cheeseburger, and bring Eddie back in so he’s safe. Make sure he’s got food and water. Then you can help me to the car.”

Junior smiled sadly at his new boss’s damaged partner. He hoped this incident wouldn’t anger the Commander to the point that he’d send him packing. “Thank you, Sir.” The young ex-SEAL helped Danny lean against the wall then ran to call in the dog. 

Danny yelled after him. “Welcome to my amazing life. And try to tone down the ‘Sirs’ will you? Of course I deserve your respect, I’m terrific once you get to know me, but It’ll make the locals nervous. Unbelievable.” Danny gritted his teeth and groaned as he reached for his phone to text Steve. He’d be in court with his phone turned off and he didn’t need him to panic if he came home to a crime scene. He typed in the text as best he could with one arm.

//Met Jr Mints. Took him to tea. Both be late. Call me or Jr before you head home. Love and kisses.//

Danny gave up trying to sit and dissolved into a puddle of pain on the floor, having already used up all his allotted adrenaline for the day. But found himself was roused soon after by a concerned ex-SEAL. “

Detective Williams? You need to stay awake, Sir,” Junior repeated, worried that he might have given Danny a concussion. “I’m so sorry, but this is going to hurt.”

Junior gently immobilized Danny’s arm using an efficient sling made from two of Steve’s bandanas, while Danny tried not to let any cries escape. The gasps and cut-off faux-curses Danny did mumble tore at Junior’s heart. He got Danny to his feet but the stoic veteran cop promptly passed out. Junior didn’t miss a beat and carried Danny to the car buckling him in, covering him with an emergency blanket and checking his pulse and pupils, before driving him to the hospital. 

~~~~5-0~~~~

Steve glanced at his phone on the courtroom steps, hoping Danny left him a message. He hated being out of contact with his sometimes irritating but always reliable partner. He read the cryptic message Danny left him and mumbled, “Danny. What are you up to?” He checked the next message. It was from Queens Hospital. He hit call and his eyes quickly glanced around him as he tried to remain calm, willing the call to be about a missed appointment or a neglected insurance form.

//Queens Hospital emergency, admitting desk. How may I help you?//

//Commander McGarrett, Five-0. I got a message to call?//

//Oh, aloha, Commander. We have Detective Williams here and his chart is flagged to message you whenever he’s checked in.//

Steve’s mouth went dry and his hand crept towards his gun, even though it was safely locked in his truck. Steve forced down his terror at the laid-back attendant’s words, wondering briefly how the man on the phone could sound so cheerful when the world had suddenly stopped spinning. He was already running towards his Silverado.

//His condition?//

//Ummm… let’s see. Oh, yeah, man. He’s been admitted. He’s stable. He’s being prepped for surgery as we speak.//

Steve balanced the phone against his shoulder as he fumbled for his keys with shaking hands.

//Surgery? What the hell for?//

//I’ll just check here for the reason… admitted with minor head injury and a dislocated elbow. Unconscious on arrival. Apparently he did regain consciousness. The surgery is to reset his elbow, Commander.//

//I’ll be there in ten.//

Steve tried to remember to breathe as he cut off the conversation, tossed the phone on the empty seat next to him and keyed his ignition. Steve took some comfort in the fact that Danny hadn’t been shot, drowned or blown up, like usual. He spoke out loud as he shook his head. “Like usual. Shit, Danno. Your retirement dreams are looking better and better everyday, buddy.” 

Steve loved his Danno with everything he had and more. Because Danny kept giving him more to love. Like grown-up Grace who still loved her Uncle Steve unconditionally and their blue-eyed boy, Charlie, who was convinced that Steve was secretly Captain America. Charlie who once whispered in his ear that, “Daddies can change and go away but Uncles are always Uncles,” endearing the confused little boy to him for life. Danny even shared his personal dreams of the future with Steve, giving him a much needed feeling of permanence through the co-ownership of a unique Italian restaurant in Chinatown.

Steve knew Danny was a man of action. To Danny, love was an active verb that never slept or took a break. If Danny Williams loved you, you knew it. Steve knew it and he felt the same. It was his own fond retirement dream to finally take his Danno to his bed and wipe that platonic smile right off his face as he claimed his life mate and fucked him rantless, He’d show Danno what a neanderthal animal he really was. 

But knowing that his life had been shortened by dismantling a dirty bomb had spun his future out of his control. He didn’t regret it. He saved lives. He saved Danny’s life and spared him being exposed to the deadly radiation that was playing evil games with his body.

Now, every time he looked at his Danno, he saw the utter devastation in his eyes. Steve being ill was tearing Danny apart and Steve couldn’t deal with that, too. There was no happy ending. No growing old with the man he loved. No bromantic evenings, tucked in a red and black booth when the restaurant was closed, sharing kisses and Chianti, taste testing Danno’s latest fabulous dish. No getting down on one knee asking Danny to marry him in the candlelight remains of opening night like he had planned.

He had a dangerous job and he had decided to let it take him by the hand and lead him to his death. It would be easy enough to be a little less skillful and die a hero’s death. But in order to do that, he had to get Danny Williams, his backup, his savior, his conscience and his love, out of his life.

Sirens and lights forced the good citizens of Hawaii out of his way as he drove like a _kepolo_ was pursuing him. He ignored the horn blasts and curses. They didn’t understand. Danno was hurt. He knew he should distance himself, not run to his side like a lovesick husband. Yes, he needed to let Danny go. But not today.

~~~5-0~~~

Junior jumped to attention and saluted when Commander McGarrett stormed through the door to examination room six where Junior was standing guard over a very loopy Danny. Steve flashed Junior a wild, wide-eyed wild look that closed his mouth shut.

“Danny? You okay, buddy?” Steve spoke softly to his sedated friend while gently stroking his sun-streaked blond hair. Danny opened his eyes and a goofy grin spread slowly across his face. Steve couldn’t help smiling back as those blue eyes blinked at him. “Hey, Steve. ‘Fraid I got a boo-boo this morning.”

“I heard. Of course, I didn’t hear it from you and nearly had a heart attack thinking you were shot or worse.”

Danny tried to move his bad arm to touch Steve’s face. “Owwww. I thought we took care of this, Junior Whopper?”

Junior moved a little closer, hands securely tucked behind his ramrod straight back. “Not yet, Sir. Remember? They gave you a sedative and will be taking you to surgery in a little while.” 

“Ohhhhh, yeah. Steve, I’m gonna need the day off. They gotta put me back together again. Like Humpty Dumpty.” Danny chuckled. 

Steve patted Danny’s head and turned to speak to Junior. “What the hell happened? I spoke to Doctor Silverman. Danny told him he hurt himself training a new, overly-eager recruit some Jiu Jitsu moves.”

Danny interrupted before the guilt-ridden young man could incriminate himself. “Don’t curse at Junior Achiever, Steven. It wasn’t his fault.” Steve went back to Danny and took the hand he was holding out to him. “I walked into your place with a Halloween mask on. Scared the crap out of the baby SEAL. So, uh, of course being an animal like all you fish paste suckin’ SEALs, he, uh, twisted my arm and the elbow popped. They gotta pop it back in so they need to put me under. I’m not going under the knife. I’m sorry I scared you, babe.” 

Steve squeezed the hand in his. He turned to Junior. “Give us a minute, huh?”

“Yes, Sir. Can I get you a coffee, Commander?”

“Sure. Mahalo.”

Junior nodded and scampered off as fast as he could.

Steve leaned over Danny and tucked his hand under the covers. He began to rub Danny’s shoulder in a soothing massage. “Love those colorful curse words. I’m impressed you haven't uttered a ‘fuck you’ in two weeks. Now, tell me the truth, Danny.”

Danny gave out an exaggerated sigh. “I did go to your house with a mask on for a joke. Some joke. Junior had a flashback and thought I was a sniper that killed a friend of his. He came back to himself pretty quick, but he ended up damaging my elbow.”

“Danny, why all the secrecy? It was worse not knowing what happened to you.”

“I don’t know,” Danny whined. “Junior was scared you’d throw him out. I wanted to calm him down. I guess… I didn’t want you to worry either.”

“Not worry about you? Impossible, babe. Junior should have called me right away with a Sit Rep. He should have known better.”

“You should have told me he moved in with you, Steve. I wanted… and now you got mini-Steve moving in. Steve, I… sugar honey iced tea, I don’t know what I’m sayin’ anymore.”

Steve was appalled to see tears in Danny’s eyes. He kicked himself for inadvertently upsetting his friend when he was hurt. “Danno? Danno, what’s wrong, babe? What’s made you so upset?”

“You got a replacement.”

“What?”

“Don’t ‘what’ me. Don’t give me that ‘Danno is losing it’ face. Look at Junior. Doesn’t even have a name, he can step right in and take over. Super Steve and his sidekick Super Steve Junior. He’s all new and stupid strong and brain damaged just like you and hackin’ up, ‘Sirs’ all over the place. He won’t stop you from being an insane, suicidal ninja animal. He adores your… tuckus and probably wants it, too. You got a replacement for me living in your house.”

“Danno. Calm down. Where’s this coming from? I just met the guy. He was living in a homeless shelter, babe. A fellow SEAL with nowhere to live. He served his country, Danny.”

“Yeah. I get it. I do, Steve. You gotta help out a brother GI Joe. Only now I gotta knock. Now we can’t hang-out. Now I got no place to go when I can’t sleep, which is almost every night. I can’t come to you when I need you. Can’t share your bed anymore. Now you’re gonna get to know him, cook him charcoal burnt steak and... you’re gonna love him, make him ohana… and… and… I haven’t got a chance in… H. E. Double -hockey sticks... to… to...”

Steve wiped away the tears on Danny’s cheeks. “Calm down, Danno. No one could ever replace you in my life. We’ve been through so much. You saved my life. It’s just the drugs, babe, making you upset. I love you, Danno.”

“The drugs? You mean it’s not true?”

“Yeah, Danno. You close your eyes and I’ll be here when you wake up from surgery. Okay?”

Doctor Silverman came in, interrupting Danny’s unfiltered, emotional rant. “Detective? What’s this? I hope you’re not upset about the surgery. I assure you it’s a simple procedure. You should be asleep by now.”

Steve answered a bit sheepishly. “Sometimes he reacts emotionally to sedatives. He’s alright.”

Doctor Silverman didn’t seem to like that answer and gave Steve a stern glare. Silverman was a semi-retired, transplanted New Yorker, who had taken a shine to Hawaii and recently to the funny and obnoxious Jersey cop who kept turning up during his emergency room rotation. “Danny, I’m going to be giving you a stronger sedative now and taking you up to surgery. Do you have any questions or concerns?”

Danny quietly answered, “No. No, I’m fine. Let’s get this done.”

Steve gripped Danny’s hand as the doctor sedated him. When Danny’s eyes closed, Steve leaned over and placed a kiss on his brow. “I love you so much, Danno… and GI Joe is army, babe.” 

Danny chuckled softly as he drifted off.

Steve sat for a moment stroking Danno’s hair, thinking how Danny had inadvertently given him a way out. Danny was already jealous of Junior, so slowly distancing himself from the love of his life would be easier than he thought. Junior needed a sympathetic mentor and Steve wasn’t unaware that the young man was drooling over the thought of being Steve’s partner. Steve knew Junior would be adequate in the role, but never fill it like his Danno did. Steve resolutely made his decision. Junior would suit his purpose. Steve needed to end his life on his own terms. 

The tall, tan and confident, gray-haired doctor had assured him that Danny was undergoing a simple procedure and, if not for the extreme pain associated with the dislocation of the radius and ulna bones making up the elbow joint, it could have been done right in the ER. The doctor also said that, barring complications, Danny could go home as soon as his sedative wore off. 

Steve would stay until he was sure Danny was out of surgery with no complications. He’d make sure arrangements were in place for Grace and Charlie’s care. 

But he wouldn’t be there when Danny woke up. 

Steve wouldn’t offer to take Danny home and stay with him caring for his partner and his partner’s little boy, although Steve’s heart broke at the thought. It was so opposite to what his mind was screaming for him to do. It called out for him to pick up Charlie from school, hold him close. The two of them would have built Danno a nest on his couch surrounded by blankets, pillows, stuffed animals and steadfast love. He imagined Danno’s soft, medicated smile as he ate the soup Steve would have heated for him. He imagined watching late night TV, placing chaste kisses on Danny’s soft hair as he nodded off.

Steve shook himself. He wouldn’t give Danny a hopeless future full of the pain and hardship of being a caretaker for a cancer patient. Steve wondered if he could die from a broken heart instead.


	2. Beggin'

Danny was barely holding on to his sanity. He was depressed and exhausted. He couldn’t sleep at night worrying over his stoic SEAL. Danny felt the responsibility of keeping his neanderthal animal fed, watered and away from situations fraught with danger and death-defying stunts, sitting squarely on his own shoulders. The worst part was that he had no one to talk to. His best friend and confidant was the problem. Late nights alone, searching the internet for flickering hope gave him the idea of hiring a stress-management specialist to observe Commander Steve McGarrett in the field and maybe knock some sense into his thick, stubborn, beautiful head.

The intervention became a mockery of all of Danny’s heartfelt intentions. Steve was unresponsive and Junior pissed Danny off big time with his enabling praise of his iron-willed Commander. When Steve gave Junior a smiling, “my man,” Danny nearly went Jersey on Junior’s ass. Danny caught up with Junior in the hall as he was heading to the guest room to grab his gear and head to the crime scene. Even with a monstrosity of a brace on his arm, Danny was as intimidating as he wanted to be. 

“Hey, Junior Samples. Did you not get the memo? What’s with you undermining my plan to help Steve out?”

“Detective Williams, Sir. I have the utmost respect for you, but I think you are wrong. A man like Commander McGarrett can’t just slow down and smell the roses. He needs to do his duty, to protect the innocent and serve his country. He’s not just a cop who can come to work everyday, hand out tickets, write reports and take an early pension.”

Danny felt his blood pressure rise like molten lava. He flung a hand in the air and tilted his head. “Oh, uh, you mean like an ordinary cop like myself? What? You think McGarrett hasn’t, uh, given enough? You think maybe he’s not entitled to rest his keister on the Mother Smucker laurels he’s already earned?”

“No, Sir. I mean a Navy SEAL is always a Navy SEAL. Salt water and duty flows through his veins. He can’t just give up on his skills or his training.”

Danny leaned into Junior’s personal space, pointed a finger at his chest. and “Blood, Junior. Steve’s got red blood in his veins. Like you, like me. I know. I’ve watched it spilling out of him first hand, up close and personal,” he said through gritted teeth, “Steve is a ‘shoot fire and save the matches’ hero and he’s given enough. And I am going to see that no one bleeds him dry. Especially not a screwed up, young boot lickin’ ex- SEAL who doesn’t know what the flying frittata he’s talking about.”

Junior glared at Danny with a murderous look. “I heard you wanted to retire and open a restaurant, Sir. May I respectfully suggest that’s a good idea. You should do that and leave Commander McGarrett alone. Don’t worry I have his six now.”

Danny was about to demonstrate to Junior his Newark street brawling skills even with a bad arm when Steve came up behind them. “Danny? Come on. That lovely stress lady is raring to go. What’s going on? Junior? You okay?”

Danny turned on Steve, his jealousy raging. “Junior is just fine, Steven. Peachy. Chip off the old superSEAL neanderthal block. Let’s go and get your feakin’ stress analyzed before I have a stroke, okay?”

Danny tore past Steve. “What was that about, Junior?”

“No idea, Commander. But are you sure he should continue to ride with you? I mean, he seems on edge. Maybe even a touch psychotic. Is he still taking pain meds for his arm and all? Are you sure he should be back to work? Maybe he should take some time off. I could fill in...”

Steve frowned as a possessive instinct flared. “I can take care of my partner. Okay?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Steve turned away, his hands forming fists at his side. His plan for distancing himself from Danny was on the fast track. Too fast for Steve’s liking. Junior was playing his part beautifully. The Commander in him was appalled at using the young man’s obvious hero worship for his own gain. He was accustomed to being a leader of young men. He knew young men who admired his well-honed, hard-assed image would die to protect that image from being tarnished. He allowed it in combat, because it kept the hope gleaming in those innocent eyes. But his men never really knew him. Even with his closest friends in the Navy, he had walls that were never breached. It kept him safe. Then he met a loud-mouthed cop from Jersey, who didn’t bother to scale those ten-foot high walls, but rather, wore them down to powder with fiery words, fierce tenacity, excessive loyalty and true love.

~~~5-0~~~

Ms. Chloe Gordon, the stress management professional, had given her findings to the mixed group of Steve and his friends. She was an excellent sport, as she seemed to take their jokes in stride. Danny admired her coolness in facing the McGarrett zone armed with nothing but experience and a sunshiny smile. It wasn’t lost on him how she handled the stress of an obstinate client and being forced to make a speech to a table of sceptics, like the professional she was. She held Danny’s eye for a moment when he and Steve returned to the table after Steve’s epic speech about living without fear. 

Danny could feel the empathy rolling off Chloe and towards him. Steve might have thought her a silly, new-age quack, but to Danny she was a lifeline in a stormy sea. He felt embarrassed for her until good old Kamekona offered to cook her a coconut shrimp delight - low in salt and fat - with an appraising, lifted eyebrow smile. All thoughts of banning her from his domain were forgotten when she asked for a raincheck on dinner with a returned smile. Tani jumped in and offered to take her for coffee when they were done, saying she needed some advice about her baby brother. Lou started an intelligent conversation about how he and his wife handled the stress his job put on their children. 

With Chloe beaming at the attention being doted on her, Danny gave in to the screaming voice in his head that wanted to run and hide, before the tumultuous emotions stirred by Steve’s pronouncement of wanting to “get married and have kids of my own,” caught up with him. Danny knew he shouldn’t drive with one arm and pain meds in his system but he had to get away for awhile. He waited until Steve was engrossed in listening to Junior tell a funny SEAL anecdote.

Danny stood, poked at Steve and whispered, “Give me my keys, babe. I wanna get something from the car.” 

Steve absently digged in his pocket. He looked up briefly, “No driving, Danno. You know how those drugs hit you.” Danny just nodded and took the keys. Steve looked worried for a moment, but quickly turned away.

“Uh, Danny. I left some things in your car. I’ll come with you,” said Chloe.

“Sure. Come on.” Danny waited a moment as Chloe called out, “I’ll be right back.” Several beer bottles were tipped her way as Danny placed a gentlemanly hand on her back to guide her to the Camaro. 

When they got to the car, Chloe stopped Danny with a soft touch to his damaged arm.  
“Danny, I’m so sorry I wasn’t more help.”

“Oh! Oh, no. No. You were great, Chloe. I’m the idiot who thought Steve might listen. I never should have involved an innocent in his crazy. I should have known better.”

“Steve really is doing rather well for all the stress he’s under. He has a fantastic support system in place, you being his biggest supporter. Danny, forgive me if I am stepping out of bounds, but are you in a sexual relationship with Steve?”

Danny took a deep breath, trying to hold on to his emotions. He didn’t know why he trusted Chloe, but he did. Maybe he just needed a sympathetic ear to unload on before he exploded. “I don’t… uh, mind you asking. No. No but, it’s complicated. I don’t label myself as bisexual, but I was born with the ability to love who I love. I was a young teen before I found out that not every man felt the way I did. I chose the straight path, but that path diverged in the woods a few times, if you get my drift.”

Chloe tipped her head in thought. “You know, all humans pass through a stage of hermaphroditism in the womb. Freud believed that bisexuality was a human’s normal state and that society dictates monosexuality to us with its gender bias.”

Danny furrowed his brow taking her words in. “I… uh… wasn’t aware of that. You mean at one point in the womb we are both sexes?”

“Uh,huh. I personally believe that it’s our choices that make us who we are. We are nothing if not choice beings.”

Danny nodded, knowing his choices, both good and bad, made him the person he was. “Steve and me. We are… I mean, we are partners at work and best friends outside of work. Steve helps me raise my children. They call him Uncle. I think Charlie might love him a little better than he loves me. I keep him from jumping off buildings like Spiderman, well, most of the time. We take care of each other. Sometimes that caring includes intimacy of a sort. We have everything a married couple has except the sex and the house payments.”

“You want more than that, don’t you. You want a committed relationship?”

Danny hung his head and played with his keys. “I don’t know why but I’ve changed recently. Maybe facing retirement, thinking about a future where my kids are too busy to visit their old man. I realized that Steve is the one I’d like to be by my side when the kids drop by. I want to marry him and be with him openly and sexually, Chloe. I desperately want to say those vows and give him my forever, even if forever is shorter than it used to be.”

Chloe patted Danny’s arm, as if sensing how close to the end of his endurance he was. “I can tell how much you are hurting. Let me share with you why I became what I am. I grew up very poor in one of the tent villages here on the island. Having a profession, having a steady income was important to me. When I met the love of my life, I was a family counselor working in a free clinic in Honolulu. My man owned a small fleet of fishing boats and was under a lot of pressure. had a heart attack and died while out boating alone.”

“I’m so sorry, Chloe.”

Tears glistened in her eyes even as she smiled. “We were waiting, saving enough money to have a traditional wedding and a honeymoon in Paris. I regret that decision to wait to this day. We both would have been happy simply saying our vows alone under the silver moon on the beach, but we thought we’d make a big thing out of it for our friends and family. Oh, I know he loved me. I was already married to him in my heart. But I wish I had settled for those simple moonlit vows and taken his name to keep his memory close. I almost didn’t survive his death. That’s why I took up stress counseling.”

“Chloe, that’s an amazing thing to do after such a trauma. It makes me feel proud to know you.”

“Mahalo, Danny. I… I noted something else today. It’s you who is stressed out. Running after that lunatic of a man, trying to keep heart and soul together for both of you. And raising two kids basically on your own? The pressure is killing you, Danny.”

Danny looked into her soft compelling brown eyes. “Chloe, I… I love him so much. He… he just told me a minute ago he loved me, too. He tells me that a lot. He said he didn’t want me to change, to self-censure. That he wasn’t going to live in fear…”

Chloe nodded, “These are good healthy attitudes, Danny. On the surface. But the Commander is trying to live two lives. The life he had in the SEALS and the one you are making for him. In order to help him you need to find out how deep those healthy attitudes go. It seems to me that he’s on the razor’s edge. He needs to be able to release what he carries from his past. Release any fear, anger and resentment he still has. To go through the stages of grief for his own life and end up with acceptance. There are no macho shortcuts. He needs you, Danny.” 

“You’re very perceptive. And clever. You knew he, uh, wouldn’t accept what you said.”

“As I mentioned you will get a full analysis from me in my private office. I’m not in the habit of discussing the deeply personal issues of my clients over beer and shrimp.”

“I get that. Thank you for doing this. I appreciate your outsider perspective. I’m… afraid Steve is pushing me away. He… he told me he would like to get married and have kids. But he didn’t mean to me, Chloe. Fu… fudge nuggets, Chloe. I’d marry him today. I’d have his SEAL baby if I could. I think he was trying to tell me nice that, he wanted to marry anyone but me.”

“Danny. You need to tell him your feelings even if he rejects you. Don’t wait. You’ll regret it if you do. Regret is a prison of your own making. I know.”

Danny was losing his battle with control. His eyes stung as he voiced the hopeless thoughts residing in his heart. “I imagined maybe Steve felt the same way about me. That gender doesn't matter to him, only love is important. But, Chloe, Steve doesn’t want me in his life anymore. He wants some random female who can give him a family and a legacy. He wants to move on and live the rest of his life on his own terms. Danny began to tremble. “Cheezit, my feelings are all over the place lately. I can’t remember the last good night’s sleep I got. I’m up all night with the worrying. Steve being sick. It’s tearing me apart.”

Chloe took Danny in her earth mother arms and let him gain some control over his spiraling emotions. She patted his back. “Let it out, Danny. You’re safe with me. Tears are the body’s way of flushing out pain. Nature’s stress reducer.” She smiled as she heard a wet chuckle and a muffled, “Mahalo, Chloe, thank you.”

Steve held his beer bottle halfway to his lips while he watched from a distance as Danny collapsed into Chloe’s arms. His eyes stung as he quickly took a drink. Jealousy warred with concern. He had only seen his Danno cry a handful of times and it pulled at his heart like nothing ever had before. Danny looked like he was in great pain. Steve knew the whole stress management thing was a cry for help from his best friend. He wanted to rush to the car and drag Danno away somewhere far from dangerous cases and doctors’ concerned faces. He glanced at Junior who was watching him with a cautious eye, then back to where his lover was being comforted by a stranger. Who else could Danny turn to when his best friend had dismissed his concerns?

But this was what Steve wanted. Danny out of his crazy life so Steve could die with dignity. He needed to make sure Danny was well taken care of, safe and sound, retired and running Steve’s. The sooner he got it over with, the better. He had changed his will to provide financially for his sister and niece, but he left his house to Danny. Steve hoped his sister would understand. He was also in negotiations to purchase Danny’s restaurant literally under the table, so the title would be in Danny’s name. For all these reasons, Steve had to make sure his death would be ruled an act of heroism and not suicide.

Steve glanced again at Junior who gave him a smile and a salute with his beer. The rookie was so much like himself before he met Danny. Danny had yelled and waved his arms until Steve was forced to realize that there was another way to live. A life that had room not just for duty but for sweet quiet moments with his ohana. That balance was hard to master but Danny had given him a crash course. It was one of the many reasons Steve loved Danny more than life itself. 

Junior didn’t understand that he wasn’t in a war zone anymore. Junior was bound to make mistakes as his partner that Danny would be incapable of making. Steve would take advantage of that fact. He made a promise to himself to keep Junior alive even as he plotted his own death.

Chloe sat back down at the table after retrieving her things from the Camaro. She had given Danny a few minutes alone to compose himself. She suggested he accompanied her for coffee with Tani, worried about the pain meds she saw him down earlier with a beer chaser. The next minute, the sound of screeching tires and gravel flying had her gasping, a hand to her throat. Danny had taken off. She immediately glanced at Steve who momentarily had an identical look of fear on his face.

“Steve! Danny shouldn’t be driving.”

Steve wanted to hop in the Silverado and take off after his distressed and hurting partner. He steeled himself against the pull to make sure his Danno was safe. “He’s a cop,” Steve said dismissively. “He can handle it. He’ll be fine.”

Chloe narrowed her eyes at him and crossed her arms. 

“Anyone want another round?” Junior stood and asked, breaking in on the tension. “It’s on me.”

Steve winked at Junior. “I’ll have another, buddy.”

Chloe turned to Tani and asked if she was ready to leave. She said her alohas to Kamekona and the Five-0 crew, then hesitated before leaning in and whispering in Steve’s ear, “You’re right. A life lived in fear is a life half lived. But remember, you don’t have to live the rest of your life without love. Aloha, Commander.”

Steve gazed after her, wondering for just a fleeting, hope-filled moment if that was true.

~~~5-0~~~

Danny slowed down when he hit the North Shore Road. He could drive with one arm easily if he kept his speed down He knew his skills were impaired, that he should kick his own backside for driving even slightly buzzed, but somehow he didn’t care. He hated to admit it, but the views were breathtaking when you slowed down enough to enjoy them. He thought he might drive until he wore himself out and then treat himself to a king-size bed at a four star hotel, complete with a spa tub and room service. 

The kids were with Rachael for a special Ex-Step-Stan long weekend, where they were bound to be showered with expensive gifts, plied with rich, non-kid friendly food and sent confusing signals. This would leave Danny to deal with a sulky teenage Grace and a Charlie who acted out for days because he couldn’t begin to understand why his baby Daddy (as he came to call Stan, thanks to his very helpful big sister) had kept him away from his Danno-dad until he was a big boy.

Now, the poor kid might have to learn to live without his personal superhero, Uncle Steve. 

“Forget about college. I should start saving for a full time therapist now,” Danny said to himself with a sigh. He reached over and pressed the button for the CD player. The incomparable sound of The Four Seasons started to play. Charlie preferred this CD over the Best of Disney one Uncle Steve had given him for long car rides. 

Danny couldn’t help but smile as the songs of Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons drove away the clamor in his brain. Pop Williams was a huge fan of Frankie and if you knew Danny’s father for more than a day, you heard the story of how Frankie Valli, who also born in Newark, came to his inner city school when his Pop was a young teen and talked to the kids about staying in school, not getting “mobbed up,” and to pick a dream and follow it.

It amused his Jersey family to no end that Charlie was obsessed with the CD Danny’s father had sent to him. Danny and the Williams clan were all accustomed to hearing the harmonies of the Jersey boys at all family functions. As Danny grew older, his adolescent eye rolls at the iconic songs slowly turned to appreciation. After all, he had learned the catchy choruses in the womb. His father took everyone to the broadway play, Jersey Boys, when they visited Newark for longer than a week. It had been a fond dream of Danny’s to marry Steve and take him to New York City for their honeymoon. Treating him to his first Broadway play, Jersey Boys, and an expensive dinner at The Four Seasons restaurant. With a side trip to Newark for real pizza minus pineapple, of course.

Grace had explained to Charlie that the song, _Walk Like A Man,_ was about Uncle Steve fighting evildoers, since she did not care to tell him it was a manly breakup song. Charlie took it to heart and added a few of his own imaginative lyrics. The phone vid Grace made of little brother with a GI Joe standing in for SEAL Steve, walking all over his Lego kingdom while singing, “walk like a man my son,” went viral across the Jersey Williams’ turf. Steve grumbled when he saw that GI Joe was playing his part and searched the internet for the correct “Steve” action figure for Charlie. He found an official SEAL combat diver, complete with a tiny thirty-piece arsenal. When it arrived, Danny hid it in his closet behind the baseball bats.

Danny smiled at the domestic memories of Steve playing with Charlie. Steve was a wonderful ‘Daddy’ to his kids. But it now seemed the Hawaiian branch of the Williams’ family tree wasn’t enough to keep Steve satisfied. Danny let the familiar songs of his childhood ease his broken heart. Maybe it was time to really retire. Why should he fight for Steve’s life when Steve didn’t even want him around any more?

_Walk like a man, fast as I can, walk like a man from you…_

Even as the words drifted through his head, Danny knew he couldn’t walk away. Steve was complicated. He had been hurt beyond all reason by his freakshow of a family, and turned into a Ninja robo-SEAL at the hands of the government, yet still had so much to love to give. Danny knew he was one of the few who accepted and returned that love unconditionally, and perhaps was the only one who had consistently stayed to put Steve’s needs before other important concerns. Danny drifted slightly over the yellow line, loud honking bringing that fact to his attention. He shook his head, trying to fight the weariness gripping his mind. He turned the radio up a bit and began to sing along to keep himself awake.

_I'm beggin' you, won't you put your hand out, baby  
Beggin', put your lovin' hand out, baby_

_I need you to understand_  
_That I tried so hard to be a man_  
_The kind of man you'd want in the end_  
_Only then can I begin to live again_

_Beggin' you, won't you put your hand out, baby  
Beggin', put your lovin' hand out, baby_

Danny couldn’t sing anymore. His throat was choked with emotion. He took a furious swipe at his eyes with his good hand, his injured arm holding the wheel for a brief second. He hadn’t noticed the sea fog rolling in on the dimming light of dusk. Suddenly, brake lights were right in front of him. He gasped, stomping on the brake pedal and fighting the wheel for control of the Camaro.

~~~5-0~~~

On the other side of the road, a wild boar appearing out of the fog surprised a young couple on their honeymoon. The groom braked in a panic. In their rear-view mirror, they saw the Camaro that had been behind them go off the road, the passenger side grazing a stone wall. Luckily, the barrier had stopped the car from tumbling down the cliffside.

As the he shaken groom pulled over to call 9-1-1, the bride jumped out to check on the driver of the Camaro. She found him unconscious but alive with a gash on his forehead from hitting the windshield. The car wasn’t too badly damaged, the airbags never deployed, so she turned off the key silencing the engine and the loud music. Afraid to move the injured man, she gently placed a folded beach towel against his bleeding head where it rested on the steering wheel. She stroked his arm gently, told him what happened and apologized, hoping her voice might wake him up.

The first responders were two officers in a HPD patrol car. The older officer, Kaiwi, immediately recognized the car and the Jersey cop behind the wheel. He told his rookie partner, Nelson to check the couple for injuries then radio for an ambulance and ask dispatch to call Commander McGarrett and tell him his partner had been in an accident. 

Kaiwi ran over to Danny to find him mumbling nonsense.

Danny wanted everyone to just be quiet and leave him alone. His head hurt like a son-of-a-gun. And he couldn’t quite figure out why he couldn’t just get up and grab his pain pills from the bathroom. He heard a vague voices floating around him like wasps. He tried to swat at them, but couldn’t find his arm. “Go ‘way, you dopey, buzz... Where’s my friggin’ arm? No gun. My gun...”

“Detective Williams. Keep calm. The medics will be here in a few minutes. You don’t need your gun, Detective. No bad guys, just a stone wall. I’ll watch your back, don’t worry…” Officer Kaiwi wanted to adjust the towel and check the head wound, but Danny grew agitated. Since he didn’t see any other outward injuries, Kaiwi focused on working to keep Danny calm.

“Detective Williams. You’ve had an accident, but you’re going to be fine. Looks like you hit your head, so you need to stay still, okay?”

Danny heard the annoying voice again. “If I gotta hear… stup’d… voices. I want Steven. Where?”

“Steve will be here soon, I’m sure. He wouldn’t let his partner down, now would he? You rest until he comes for you, Jersey.”

Steve’s resolve to distance himself from his partner vanished into the deep blue sea when he got the call that Danny had been in a car accident. Junior insisted on driving the Silverado and accompanying his suddenly pale and shaking boss. Steve’s heart was in his throat when they got to the scene. A young officer was directing traffic and a white rental car was parked on the right shoulder. Danny’s black Camaro was slammed against a short wall and another officer was bending over Danny who was apparently still in the driver’s seat. 

“Danny!”

Officer Kaiwi stood and turned, then moved out of the way as Commander McGarrett jumped out of the truck and stormed to his partner’s side. 

Meanwhile, Junior parked and walked over to introduce himself to the rookie cop and find out what happened. Seeing badass Steve distraught almost to the point of hysteria, Junior wondered not for the first time exactly what kind of relationship the Commander and the haole had. 

Steve knelt by his partner, anxiously reaching out to check Danny’s pulse. “Danny. Danny. Can you hear me?”

“St’ve? Where ya been? I need… “

Steve took a quick assessment of scene and Danny’s injuries. The car was fine on the driver’s side and Danny’s arm brace was still intact. It looked like Danny simply hit his head on the windshield. “Danny? What do you need, babe?”

“Pain pills from the bathroom cab’nt… maybe a ban’aid. But I can’t find my gun, Steven. I need that. The boars. Gotta shoot ‘em.”

“No shooting boars, Danno. Don’t you worry about the boars. I’ve got my gun.”

“‘K, maybe ya oughta use… grenade. Got one in the glove box? Ohhhh. Did it go off? Did you get me blown up? Cause I kinda don’t feel too good.”

Steve stroked Danny’s hair. “Shhhh, buddy. There’s nothing wrong. I know you’re hurting. We’ll get you out soon. You stay awake. You’re doing good, babe.” Steve looked up and recognized the uniform. “Howzit. Kaiwi, What happened?”

“Looks like the honeymoon couple thought a boar was gonna take a run at their car. The man braked and Detective Williams swerved off the road to avoid hitting them. It was pretty foggy. Your boy hasn’t been making much sense. He asked for you... and his gun. I’ll go find out the ETA on the ambulance it should be here in just a few, Commander.”

Steve nodded. “Mahalo, Kaiwi. He turned his attention back to Danny. “Does it hurt anywhere else besides your head, buddy?”

Danny squirmed in his seat and groaned. “Som’thin’ not right, Steve. Hurts inside.”

Officer Kaiwi ran back with an emergency blanket and handed it to Steve. “Ambulance ETA three minutes. 

Steve nodded. He gently placed the blanket around Danny. “If it hurts don’t move. Keep still, babe.”

Danny tried to focus on Steve’s face. He loved to catalog the usually closed off man’s surprisingly expressive features. “Wha’ that face? Huh?”

“This is my ‘don’t you dare die, Danno,’ face. I love you. I hate to see you hurting.” Steve couldn’t help but lean in and place a gentle kiss on Danny’s cheek. He smiled when Danny sang in a rough, faraway voice, “Who loves you, pretty baby? Who’s always there to make it right…” 

“Hush now, Danno. I know it’s you. Always you.”

Sirens overwhelmed the sound of the Danny’s heart-wrenching crooning. Steve moved aside to let the paramedics do their job. He listened in as they spoke to Danny and assessed him.

Head injury… not too severe, bleeding stopped. BP low. Possible internal bleeding pelvic area. Ready to move him on three.

Danny cried out when he was moved to the backboard. He felt so weak as his vision faded. “Steve?”

“I’m here buddy. I’m here.” Steve waved a dismissive hand at Junior as he climbed into the ambulance to ride to the hospital by Danny’s side.

~~~5-0~~~

Steve and Junior sat side by side drinking coffee in the surgical waiting room. They both had identical poses, straight backs, edge-of-chair alertness, blowing and sipping on too hot and too bitter coffee. Danny had been diagnosed with an internal bleed in the area of his pelvis, a possible fracture of the Ischium in the lower pelvic region. His head injury was not a concern, but still took five stitches and held the promise of a week-long headache. Both men waited calmly, as they had been trained, but their thoughts were as different as they could be.

Junior was cautiously admiring Steve’s indecently long lashes and soulful eyes that were the color of an ever-changing sea. Steve’s lips pursed as he sipped at his coffee, absently licking the edge of the cup with his tongue to catch a wayward drop. Junior yearned to kiss those enticing lips and add coffee-flavored kisses to his list of things that were great about Steve McGarrett. Junior wondered if Steve and Detective Williams were lovers, but he thought not. He didn’t think they acted like a couple, even though he’d heard all the ‘they are so married’ jokes bantered about 5-0 HQ. He thought Steve was just biding his time until he could turn the irritating, intrusive Jersey haole loose. He also admired the fact that Steve would stand by his obviously burnt-out partner.

Steve was silently praying to whatever God might hear him to keep Danny alive. He was beyond sick with worry, re-thinking his plan to distance himself with each tick of the clock. Danny was his life. The reason he kept living despite the odds stacked against him. He couldn’t stand the self-imposed thought of not keeping Danny and his kids safe. He had a battle raging in his mind. One side telling him to leave the hospital, go home and return in the morning as if Danny’s well-being meant nothing to him. The other side was screaming at him to take Danno in his arms and never let him go. Keeping him alive by wrapping Danno in a cocoon of boundless love.

The war was at a stalemate when the doctor entered the room.

“Steve, Junior.” Doctor Silverman nodded and gave the men a half-hearted smile as they rose as one to greet him. He looked exhausted. “Danny’s in ICU now, in stable condition. The surgery went well. We found… ahhh… a small arterial bleed but no broken bones. No... vital organs were damaged. I had concerns about Danny’s liver but everything looks good. The internal bleeding was very localized. He shouldn’t have any problems post op.”

Steve visually deflated “Oh, man. Thank you, Doc. He’s really okay? You sounded for a second like there was a complication?”

“Ahhh, no. I don’t see any problems with his recovery. You can see him as soon as he’s settled. Take care, Steve, Junior.”

The doctor strode quickly away. “Junior? Did he seem a bit preoccupied to you?”

Junior just shrugged. “He did seem sort of… nervous. Maybe he was just beat. You want to get something to eat while they are getting Detective Williams ready, Sir?”

Steve frowned as his eyes and thoughts followed the doctor. He forced himself to pay attention to what Junior was saying. “No. You go ahead, buddy. I couldn’t eat right now. Get something to go and head home if you want. Could you take care of Eddie for me? I may not make it home tonight.”

“Commander. Danny is in good hands. He probably won’t even wake up until tomorrow. You should head home with me and sleep in your own bed.”

“I can’t, Junior. I need to be here when he wakes up. He’ll be confused and hurting. He’s my partner. I should be here.”

Junior stepped forward and placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder. He gently caressed Steve’s stiff muscles as he said, “your devotion to duty is admirable, Sir. I hope you know you can count on me to fill in for Danny while he recouperates. I know a few ways to relieve your stress too, Commander. And I don’t mean with a daily planner. ” Junior brushed a hand against Steve’s five o’clock shadow, letting his fingers linger on his chin. “Steve, Danny will be fine without you. Come home with me.”

With all his combat experience, in all his time spent in the field of battle looking death defiantly in the eye, nothing had prepared him for the devastation he felt when he left Danny behind and followed Junior out of the waiting room. 

Steve was too weary and nauseous to sit down to dinner with Junior. His radiation sickness was flaring up. It felt like his internal thermostat was out of whack, causing waves of blistering heat to course through his veins. Ms. Gordon was right about one thing. Stress made it worse. He agreed to a pizza when Junior pressed. But that only made him miss Danny’s ‘pizza with pineapple is an abomination,’ monologue. One of his favorite Danno-rants.

Eddie greeted Steve at the door to his home as Junior carried the large ham and pineapple lover’s pizza to the kitchen. Steve petted Eddie and cooed to his little pal until the dog was wiggling with joy. Steve held him close for a moment and kissed his head briefly, wishing in vain that it was Danny who had welcomed him home.

Junior had finished opening beer and slapped pizza slices on paper plates. He went to Steve and put out his hand to help him up. Steve took his hand and taken off guard was pulled into Junior’s embrace.

“Steve. I don’t want anything you can’t give. I just want to give you some pleasure. You deserve that.” Junior leaned in for a kiss and Steve let it happen. Steve conceded that Junior was an attractive man, the kind of man he used to seek out in dark cafes frequented by ‘Don’t ask. Don’t tell,’ practitioners. But he wasn’t the man. The small hurricane of a man who had blasted into his life and ruined him for others. He gently pushed Junior away.

“Junior. Man, I’m not doing this. It’s inappropriate as hell. There is a long list of reasons why I can’t do this.”

Junior pulled him closer and nuzzled his neck, placing small kisses near his ear and making Steve shiver. “I get it. I’m sorry. This isn’t the right time. I’ll give you your space. You’re not a man who would cheat even if an affair was long over. Consider my kiss a standing invitation. I’ll be right here waiting when you’ve broken up properly with Williams.”

Junior placed one more kiss on his open mouth and pulled a bit on Steve’s lower lip. Steve watched him in shock as Junior returned to the kitchen and sat down to eat. “Come on, Steve. Eat. It’s good,” he called out between bites.

~~~5-0~~~

Danny spent a lonely night in ICU. He opened his eyes a few times and called for Steve, only to be asked hard questions from Doctor Silverman. Questions like ‘what was his name’ and ‘did he know where he was.’ He answered the first few questions with a plaintive, “Stev’n knows, where he is?” But soon enough he got the hang of answering correctly and was moved to a step down ward.

In the morning, he was greeted with a from a cheerful Doctor Silverman.

“Morning, Danny! How are you feeling today?”

Danny groaned. “Not well enough to take your obscene cheerfulness without getting nauseous, Doc.”

Doctor Silverman chuckled to himself and examined his patient. “How is your pain level, Danny? Have you been using the morphine drip?”

“Oh, yeah. Only thing good about a hospital stay is the direct line to the happy juice. I’m good. Unless I move.”

“Headache?” The doctor lifted the gauze on Danny’s head wound and pressed briefly against the stitches, then checked his pupils with a pen light. 

“Owww. Not till you started pokin’ me and blinding me with that torch.”

“Everything is looking good.” Doctor Silverman sat on the edge of Danny’s bed. “Danny, you usually have a line of visitors. What’s up?”

Danny shrugged and shifted a bit to look Silverman in the eye. “I spoke to my ex-wife this morning. She’s gonna keep the kids till I get out of the hospital. The rest are MIA. I guess they got a case that’s more important than visiting an idiot who endangered other innocent people on the road ‘cause he suddenly can’t drive worth a… dagnut.”

“I doubt your friends would feel that way, but I’m glad you realize how wrong it is to go against your doctor’s orders and to drive on pain meds. Still trying to give up cursing, huh? I think I might allow a few choice ones after what you’ve been through.”

“Oh, no, Doc. It’s a slippery slope. One slip and I’m back to turning the air blue. My boy’s innocent ears are worth the effort”

“You’re an amazing dad. Listen Danny, I have a question. When you and Steve dismantled that dirty bomb and saved us all…”

“Gosh-a-rooney, Doc. You’ll turn my head.”

“Danny, I know a heroic act when I hear about one. It was all over the news. Now tell me were you ever exposed to the radiation. Especially in your pelvic area?”

Danny frowned his throat was dry and sore. “May I have some water, please?”

The doctor helped him with his glass and waited patiently for an answer. “I… uh… I did hold the canister in my lap for a while. To keep it safe while Steve detonated the catalyst bomb. But the uranium was contained. It was Steve who was dosed with radiation, I checked out okay. What’s the matter?”

“Danny when I operated on you, I found something that didn’t show up on any scan you’ve had in the last few years.”

“What? You mean cancer?”

“No. No. Danny you have a… uterus.”

Danny nearly jumped off the bed and deeply regretted the movement. “What?”

“I checked all your scans. Especially from when you donated blood marrow to your son, there was a small area that was dismissed as a shadow. But on closer examination, it turns out that you were born with a underdeveloped uterus. It would have been there since you were in the womb, but remained… dormant.”

“What does that mean, Doc? Was I supposed to be a girl?”

“No. This doesn't have to do with gender identity. You identify as a man and always have. You would have never known about it, but your car accident caused internal bleeding in your uterus. Danny, I think it’s been affected by the radiation you were exposed to. It’s grown, similar to when a young teen enters puberty. Your hormone levels are fluctuating. Have you been feeling out of control lately?”

“Yeah. Yeah I have. I thought it was because of Steve. Oh Mylanta! Does Steve know? Is that why everyone’s stayed away? Do they think I’m a freak?”

Danno began to gasp for breath as tears welled in his eyes. He turned to the wall. Doctor Silverman took his hand. “Danny. No one knows and no one needs to know unless you want them to. And you are not a freak. You are a brave cop who helped dismantle a bomb and was accidentally dosed with radiation. Just like Steve. You put yourself in harm’s way and you were injured in the line of duty. This doesn’t change a thing about who Danny Williams is. We can handle any problems that arise and stabilize your hormones, probably stopping any further development of the uterus. We’ll do some more tests and I’ll consult with a specialist. For now let’s just treat this as a complication resulting from your exposure to radiation.”

“Yeah. Okay, Doc. I’m shocked is all. You said… it… was always inside me? Like that stage where we are both sexes for short time?”

The doctor nodded thoughtfully. “It’s possible that you might have been a hermaphrodite at one stage of fetal development. Most likely it happened at conception. My best guesses would be that the egg was partially inseminated by a second sperm that was damaged somehow. Or two eggs were fertilized and one failed to thrive and it was assimilated.”

“You mean like I had a sister? A twin?”

“No. It would have been partial genetic material that’s all, Danny. You ended up with extra DNA. All these theories are viable. We’ll never know exactly what happened. Think of it more like a natural oddity that your body adapted to. You're the same obnoxious Jersey-ite you always were.”

The door to Danny’s room opened, and a nurse with a pleasant smile announced, “Detective Williams, you have a visitor.”

“Thank you, Judy.” The doctor addressed the nurse, hastily wiping his eyes with his hand.”I was just leaving. I’ll check back in a little while Danny.”

 

Danny expected Steve to rush in out of breath and dressed in full protective gear, smelling like seawater and cordite. Instead, Chloe Gordon came timidly into the room carrying a get well card and a teddy bear. The cute little bear was dressed like a cop. Danny tried to hide his disappointment that Chloe wasn’t Steve.

“Aloha, Danny,” Chloe greeted him with a mixture of cheer and concern. “Tani texted me that you were in a car accident last night.”

“Hey, Chloe! Yeah. It was stupid of me to drive, I admit it. At least I was the only one hurt. What ya got there?” 

Chloe smiled and handed him the stuffed toy. “I saw it in the gift shop and had to buy it for you. I thought maybe your little boy…”

“Yeah. Thanks, Chloe. When Steve was laid up I bought him one of these with an Army suit on. He gave it to my Gracie. Now my Charley can have this one, when I’m done with it of course.” 

Chloe looked puzzled. “I thought the Commander was in the Navy.”

“He is. It’s an old joke between us. We have a lot of… eight years together… we… me and Steve...” Danny was floating in a haze of shock, sorrow and drugs. He wanted Steve desperately. Needed Steve to hold him and tell him he loved him.

A soft touch on his arm brought him back from where he had drifted. “Danny. Something’s wrong isn’t there. Did the operation go alright? Was there a problem?” Danny closed his eyes and hugged the bear to his heaving chest. “Danny, it’s okay to need someone to talk to. I’d consider it a privilege if you’d talk to me. I’m a professional. I can help you help yourself. What you tell me will never leave this room. Is it... cancer, Danny?”

Danny opened his eyes and searched Chloe’s face. It was a gentle face full of beauty, character, and strength. She was right. Something was wrong and he couldn’t see himself sharing this news with anyone he knew. Not his Hawaiian ohana or his Jersey family. And especially not Steve. He hesitated, but seeing the sincere concern in Chloe’s big brown eyes pulled him in.

“I… Doc told me he found something… odd. Not cancer, but probably related to the dose of radiation I apparently received.”

Chloe took his hand. “What is it, Danny? What’s wrong?”

“I have a uterus.”

“What?”

“Yeah. That’s what I said.” 

Chloe let go of his hand and searched his features to see if he was kidding her. She was used to being made fun of, but this would have been too cruel for a good man like Danny Williams. She decided in a moment that he couldn’t fake the forlorn look and the tears brimming in his eyes. “You’re serious.”

“As death, sister.”

“Danny… is the uterus… viable?”

Danny could tell his stress manager was trying to remain calm and collected. He gave her a watery smile. “Thanks for not running out of here screaming. The Doc said I probably had it since birth, but it never developed... Until I was inadvertently dosed with radiation. That’s why I’ve been such an emotional mess lately. My hormones are goin’ crazy. No wonder Steve and my friends are avoiding me. I’m sorry I brought you into this mess of a life I have.”

“Oh, Danny, no. I’m so happy you called me. You and Steve are a … trip!” Danny chuckled and she cleared her throat. “What does your doctor say about treatment?”

“Good question. I was too shocked to ask any coherent questions. But I guess he’s going to get my hormones under control and the … thing… should shrink. I feel weird though. Thinkin’ I’ve got woman’s parts in me.”

“Danny, you need to explore any and all of your feelings about this situation. You have been given a unique gift in a way. A perspective you wouldn’t ordinarily have. Normally, I would advise your to seek out your support system but in this case… you certainly don’t need any negative vibes and you have to be wary of rumours. Publicity would be detrimental to your stability.”

“Yeah.” Danny sighed. He was getting muddle-headed from the conversation, the morphine and other drugs in his system. “Yeah. I need to keep a low profile. I’ll need time to recover anyway. Maybe this will all blow over by the time I’m off medical leave.”

“Danny. I wonder… if you don’t adjust your hormone levels, would you eventually be able to have a baby?”

Danny thought a moment and then instinctively reached to cover his bandaged stomach in the timeless gesture of pregnant women everywhere. When he realized what he had done, his blue eyes widened with a hint of a sparkle. He surprised himself by saying, “wouldn’t that be something? A baby. I could carry Steve’s baby for him,” Danny finished dreamily.

Chloe was sorry she had mentioned it after she saw Danny’s unusual reaction. Most men would be screaming for the doctor to rip the thing out. She wondered if a hysterectomy was what the doctors would decide was best for Danny in the end. She felt a little self-censure would be appropriate. “Danny! That would be a miracle. But you need to think about yourself and do what’s best for you. Having a baby would be a huge risk to your health.”

The door to Danny’s room was flung open hitting the wall. Eric Russo bounced into the room and almost knocked Chloe over getting to his uncle. “What the fuck. Uncle D? What the fuck is wrong with you? I gotta hear you’ve been in an car accident from Duke? Where the fuck is Steve? I want to kick his ass.” He managed to get his arms around Danny and kiss his cheek, as gently as his words were rough. “You okay, Uncle D? What the doc say?”

Danny petted his overly emotional nephew. “Shhhh. Eric. I’m fine. The operation went well. I’ll be out of here before you know it.”

Eric backed away. “Operation? You went under the fuckin’ knife and nobody called me? That’s it. You’re making me your first contact person thingy. Fuck Steve. He just lost his fucking privilege. Tell me what happened Unc?”

Chloe cleared her throat. “Danny. I’m going to go now.” 

Eric seemed to finally realize Chloe was in the room. “Oh, Hi, lady. Sorry. I’m just a little worried about my favorite Uncle here. First some prick 5-0 wannabe dislocates his elbow and no one lets me know so I could return the favor, then I hear my Uncle is in a car accident from a HPD cop. I am fucking pissed!”

“Eric, you crude and rude lunkhead. What did I tell you about your language? This is Ms. Chloe Gordon. She’s a stress management consultant.” Eric looked briefly at Chloe. He was too upset to be polite. Danny gave Eric a fond pat on his arm. “This is my nephew, Eric Russo.”

Worried, Eric turned back to his Uncle. “You need one of those, Uncle Danny? You got too much stress? I’ll get rid of your stress. Just give me five minutes alone with Steve and a beaker of arsenic…”

“Eric! Behave you idiot. I hired Chloe to analyze 5-0’s stress levels. Didn’t work too well, as you can imagine. But I got a fantastic new friend out of the deal.”

Chloe beamed and shook Eric’s hand. “Let me fill you in, Eric. Danny looks done in. Then I’ll take off and let you visit with him. After I gave my stress analysis results to the 5-0 team at Kamekona's yesterday evening, your Uncle left in the Camaro... “

When she was finished with her neatly edited version of what had happened, she said goodbye with a promise to return the next day. Danny took her hand and whispered a sincere, “thank you. Mahalo.”

After she left, Danny drifted off while his loving nephew rubbed Danny’s head just the way he liked it. Just like Danny’s mother always did when he was sick. Eric told him funny stories about his lab partners. When Eric heard his Uncle’s soft snores, he stayed put to watch over Danny’s dreams, hating that he found out his Uncle hadn’t had anyone with him the night before and had woken up alone again this morning. He continued to curse Steve under his breath.

Meanwhile, Danny dreamed of a handing a beautiful child swaddled like a baby burrito to Frankie Valli who sang, Who Loves You, as he brought the baby to the beaming new father, Steve.

~~~5-0~~~

It was five o’clock in the longest afternoon in Steve’s life. Evening visiting hours for Queens wouldn’t start for another hour yet. He’d gone to work in the morning hoping for an interesting case, but nothing had turned up. He spent the day avoiding Junior and the rest of his team and dodging angry calls and texts from Eric. He couldn’t help but call the desk on Danny’s floor for his current condition, three times. It was killing him not to be by his partner’s side, and it didn’t help that he’d had a strange dream the night before about holding a baby who looked exactly like Danny. He woke with a smile on his face until reality hit him in the chest like a bullet in his kevlar vest.

Steve couldn’t stay away from Danny any longer. At five minutes after six, Steve walked sheepishly up to Danny’s open door. Tani, Lou and Lou’s wife Renee had beat him there and were shooting the breeze, saying nothing important, obviously trying to cheer their ailing friend up. He heard Eric’s distinctive laugh and cringed at how pissed the young man must be. He strained to hear Danny’s deep, earthy accent but couldn’t make it out. A quiet Danny made all Steve’s partner senses tingle.

Steve paused, then straightened his sagging shoulders and entered the room. A chorus of greetings reached his ears. But the two Jersey boys were silent. Renee took Steve’s hand and gave him a friendly if brief kiss, discreetly giving her husband the high sign that meant it was time to go.

Danny received get well kisses from the rest of his visitors, as well. Even Lou placed a quick one on his hand like he was the godfather just to make him laugh. Eric saying something about getting some dinner as he hugged his Uncle. “You call me you need anything, D. I’ll be back tomorrow at lunchtime, I’ll bring ya somethin’ real nice to eat.” 

“Thanks for everything, Eric. I love you, babe.”

“Love you too, Uncle D.” Eric turned away and glared at McGarrett. He stormed out mumbling curses he meant for Steve to hear.

Suddenly alone with his partner, Steve froze, not knowing what to do or say. Steve knew Danny was always the bigger man despite his size. Danny true to form, cleared his throat and said, “Come here, you big doofus and give me a hug.” Danny reached out with the arm that wasn’t in a sling and Steve fell into his arms, careful not to put pressure on his incision site.

Too soon, Danny gently pushed him away. “Sit down and tell me what the… flippin’ burgers is wrong with you? Why are you acting like I got a social disease?”

Steve smiled at the typical Danny statement and did as he was told. Danny wouldn’t let go of his hand. Steve sat and tried to remember what he had planned to say. Apparently being close to his Danno was blanking out his mind.

“Hey! Wacko! Do you realize you haven’t spoken to your injured partner yet? What is going on in your tiny dinosaur brain, Steve?”

“I’m fine, Danny. I should be asking you how you’re doing.”

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Ask me!”

“What?”

“Ask me how I’m doing, you mothersurfin’, son of a fishstick! Say the words!”

“Fine. How are you doing, Danny?”

“How am I doing. How am I doing? I’ll tell you how I’m doing. I crashed my car, I almost died, I’m in so much pain my hair hurts, and my partner who I love and who tells me regularly he loves me has been AWOL…”

“That’s the Army, Danny. The Navy uses UA unauthorized absence…”

The silence was deafening. 

Steve saw his chance and took it. “Okay, Danny. You deserve the truth. I’ve been avoiding you and the inevitable. I’ve been thinking about this stress thing you set up. I think you were right but not about me, I’m fine. It’s you, Danno. You are killing yourself with stress and I want to do something about that. I spoke to the Governor. You’ve been approved for retirement. I got you a decent pension package, too, and a bonus enough so that so you can open the restaurant. Hawaii officially recognises your contribution to its welfare and safety.”

Steve swallowed hard before continuing. “I… I’m going to personally train Junior to be my new partner. It’s time, Danny. It’s time for you to live the dream. I’m retiring you. You’re no longer an active part of my task force.” Steve waited for the earth to shake with the wrath of Danno, but Danny simply nodded, his heart too shattered for words. 

That’s when Steve wished the earth would open up so he could escape the deadly calm of his true partner.

 

Steve was stunned by the force of the pain he felt. He rose silently from the uncomfortable chair, looking everywhere but Danny’s stricken face as he continued. “Danny, this is for your own good. You’ve given enough. I want you to have this. You don’t have to leave right away. You’ll have medical leave and then desk duty for a few months to tie up loose ends. We may not be partners on the job anymore. But we are still partners in the restaurant… and best friends.” 

Steve finally looked Danny in the eye and choked back a gasp seeing the look of devastation on his friend’s face. It reminded Steve of the Danny’s expression when his brother, Matt, had been murdered. He wanted Danny to get loud and call him names, then cool down and hold Steve tight as he began to understand that Steve was only thinking of his welfare.

“Danno say something.”

“Get the fuck out.” Danny snapped.

Steve had only wanted to make sure that Danno would live, freeing himself to die, but what if the consequences of his actions were worse than a long, lingering death? He’d thought that combat was like being in hell. But now he knew there was no worse hell than a life without Danny. 

Steve left without another word.

Danny reached for the red button on his morphine drip like it was the trigger on a police special. At the moment he would have taken either one as long as oblivion was at the end of the line. He pressed the red button over and over even though he knew he’d never get enough to dull his mental agony. He hesitated, as snippets of a song played in his head like an inappropriate cheerful melody sung at a funeral.

_Big girls don’t cry_

_Hey! Williams! What’s this I hear about you cryin’ in bed ‘cause you got a lady garden in your Bermuda shorts?_

Danny opened his eyes and opened them wider when he saw Frankie Valli standing at the end of his bed.

“Frankie Valli? What the what the? What? Am I being haunted? Bob Saget! Did I just die of a broken heart?”

Frankie looked at himself and patted down his bright red sharkskin jacket. 

_I ain’t no ghost, Danny Boy, I think I’m still kickin’ somewhere in Jersey. I guess I’m what you would call an hallucination. And a good-lookin’, talented one too. I always loved this suit._

“Well, what are you doing here?”

_Came to give ya some musical advice. Mano to mano, Danno._ The Newark-born apparition took a deep breath. _This is dedicated to McDanno, oh,oh, oh._

_There ain't no good in our goodbye-ing_  
_True love takes a lot of trying_  
_Ooooh I'm crying_

 _You say you're gonna go and call it quits_  
_gonna chuck it all and break our love to bits_  
_Break it up, I wish you never said it_  
_Break it up, No no, we'll both regret it_

 _There isn't anything I wouldn't do_  
_I'd pay any price to get in good with you_  
_Patch it up, give me a second turnin'_  
_Patch it up, don't cool off while I'm burnin'_

 _Let's hang on to what we've got_  
_Don't let go babe, we've got a lot_  
_Got a lot o' love between us_  
_Hang on, hang on, hang on to what we've got_

Danny managed a one handed clap against the bed rail. “Wow, Frankie Valli morphine guy. That was way cool. My pops would freak. But what are you trying to tell me?”

Frankie shook his head. _I’m tellin’ ya. That if Steve is worth dying for, he’s worth fightin’ for. Get me? And another thing. You got a secret weapon that that new boy toy of McGarrett’s doesn’t have. If you play your cards right, you could give Steve a child and all the lovin’ a man would ever need. I wouldn’t be too eager to get rid of that deluxe package that you got there under your skin._

“Frankie, I’m so confused. Am I even a man anymore?”

_Babe. What makes you a man isn’t what you store in your pants. It’s a hard head when it comes to doin’ right and a soft heart when it comes to lovin’. You got that in spades, Danny Boy._

“Thanks, Frankie. I… I’ll think on it. I’m going to sleep now.”

_Bye, bye, baby. Baby, bye bye, ooooooo._


	3. Don't You Worry 'Bout Me

“Just sign it, Uncle D. That prick McGarrett hasn’t even visited you in a week. And if Charlie asks one more time where Uncle Steve is, I’m going to have to kidnap McGarrett and lock him in Charlie's car-room. I want this official before you leave the hospital.” Eric pushed the pen in to his Uncle’s hand. He was deadly serious about becoming Danny’s medical proxy. “I love you Unc. You are my blood and I want to represent your family here. I never want to see you alone and hurtin’ again. You turned my life around. Fuck! You gave me a life worth livin’. It broke my heart to think of you all confused and in pain with no one to hold your hand. I know you are one tough nut, Unc. But let me be there for you. I owe you.”

Danny took the pen and the form filled out in Eric’s spidery print. He held it to his chest for just a moment. “You don’t owe me a thing, little buddy. I’m your family, too, and I take care of my own, so I know this is coming from your heart and I thank you.”

“Then sign it, D. I gotta get over to your place and stock the fridge. You’ll be home day after tomorrow and Charlie and Grace will be here on the weekend. Me and Chloe got it all planned out.”

Danny chuckled at Eric’s enthusiasm. “What’s this? You and my stress manager?”

“Come on, Uncle D. She’s been a great help. Visiting you everyday, baking for you and organizing things. Stepped right up and did right by us. She is a lady from the ground up. Anyway, she’s dating Kamekono.”

“What? Why didn’t she tell me that. Are you sure?”

“That’s what Kamekono told me.”

“I think he was putting you off the scent, babe.”

“Yeah? I like her, D. I know I don’t usually go for the BBW’s but she’s so sweet and smart.”

“Eric Russo. You should consider yourself lucky that a girl like Chloe even looks at you. I approve, by the way. You hurt her, I kill you. Got it?”

Eric put up his hand in a Boy Scout salute. “Swear.”

“E-Train, I know the closest you ever came to being a Boy Scout was when you stole their bikes from in front of their clubhouse. But I’ll take it as an oath and I’ll sign the form. But Steve is going down as second. He’s still my boss… and my friend.”

Eric started to pace. “Friend? He’s a backstabbing asshole with a heart of stone. How dare he fire you! He’s got some nerve prancing around playing Batman and Robin with his suckass mentee. Junior just about jizzes in his pants when Steve looks at him. And Steve is doing more than lookin’ if you ask me. I tell you, D, everyone at HPD is pissed as hell. Lou and even Tani’s been complaining to me. And Tani likes Junior. McGarrett is nothing but an over-the-hill, psycho-bot without you!”

“Batman and Robin, huh? That’s pretty good. You really think Junior and Steve are… together?” Eric shrugged. “I don’t know, Uncle D. But Tani knows Junior kissed him. Junior told her in confidence that he’s waiting for you to retire officially to make his big move on Steve.”

Danny’s face turned serious. “Look Eric. Steve and I have been through a lot together, He may not seem like it but he’s sick and trying to cope as best he can. If his actions seem a little erratic…”

Eric stopped pacing and threw both hands in the air. “How can you defend him? He forced you into retirement! I don’t care whether you are fuck buddies or best buddies, Steve’s cheatin’ on you!”

“Eric! I was furious, too! I threw him out and haven’t made any attempt to contact him. I had an awful lot to get straight in my mind before I see him again. It turned out Steve was right. I do need to retire. I have my reasons. Babe, now that you’re my number one contact person, there is something I need to share with you…”

~~~5-0~~~

Eric pulled into parking area at the palace. He glanced up at the beautiful structure and tried absently to find his Uncle’s office windows. He was proud of himself and how he handled Danny’s proclamations. His uncle was in love with Steve McGarrett. Well, that one wasn’t a surprise. His uncle had girl parts. His uncle had ARS, Acute Radiation Syndrome. His uncle didn’t want treatment or an operation. His uncle wanted to have a baby. McGarrett’s baby. And his future Uncle Steve was totally clueless.

Eric turned up the music that had been playing softly in his uncle’s newly repaired Camaro. He smiled as he recognized an oldies song Poppy Williams used to sing teasingly to his wife after a couple of beers.

 _I love you_  
_No matter what you do_  
_I'll spend my whole life waiting if you want me to_  
_And if this is goodbye_  
_You know I'd rather die_  
_Then let you see me cry_  
_'Cause then you'd worry 'bout me_

Eric glanced at the empty seat next to him. He knew Danny usually rode in the passenger seat of his own car. That’s the kind of selfless thing his uncle did for those he loved. Eric spoke to the empty seat. “Boy, that song sounds like you, Uncle D. Always worried about someone else and never yourself. I’d rather die than betray your confidence, but sometimes love needs a little push. I love you, D. I want you happy. So here goes.” Eric locked up the car and headed for the 5-0 offices.

Steve was just finishing a phone call from the annoying guy in accounting.before heading out. Junior was already waiting for him in the Silverado. When Eric Russo strutted in the door, Steve froze and his heart leaped to his throat. “Danny?” he managed to croak out.

Eric enjoyed seeing Steve flustered. He could see there was still love there. “Uncle D’s doing fine. He’s gonna be released day after tomorrow. Couple of weeks recovering at home and he’ll be back to work ridin’ a desk. Until, you know, he’s put out to pasture.”

Steve took a deep breath and tried not to let on how dizzy he was. For a flicker of a moment he thought Eric had come to tell him Danny was gone. “Thanks, Eric. I appreciate the heads up.”

“Yeah, I know, Steve. My stubborn uncle isn’t talking to you. Which was probably a good thing for you at first. I mean after you dropped your bomb and walked away.”

Steve almost smiled at Eric’s spunky demeanor, so like his uncle’s. “Eric, I never stopped caring about your uncle…”

Eric put up a hand to stop him. “I get that. I do. Partners have arguments all the time. I can kinda see you were watchin’ out for him. Shitty way to show concern but that’s neither here nor there…”

Steve swallowed hard and grabbed his chance for free information. “Eric. How’s Danny, really?”

Eric rubbed his face it as if he were searching for the right words. “He won’t admit it, but he’s not good. He needs you, Steve. I won’t betray a confidence, but I won’t let my Uncle Danny suffer either. That’s all I can say. I can tell you he thinks you were right. It’s time for him to retire. Steve, you’re walking around with a piece of my uncle’s liver inside of you. That makes us blood in my book. Just talk to him, bro. You owe him that.”

Steve nodded. “I’ll go see him tonight, Eric. I promise. Danny is still my partner even if he doesn’t think so right now. I’ll try my best to work something out with him.”

“Good, good.” Eric nodded back and turned to leave. He had to get a little of his own back. “Oh, by the way. I’m my uncle’s medical proxy now. He signed the paper today. Only makes sense, him leavin’ 5-0 and all.”

“Of course,” Steve managed. “Thanks for stopping by.” While what he really wanted was to run to Danny’s side with lights and sirens blazing and beg him to be allowed back in his life. 

Steve couldn’t wait until evening visiting hours. He dropped Junior off at the Palace so he could have a late lunch with Tani while he headed for the hospital. He missed Danny fiercely. He’d been snapping at Junior and turned down every sexual advance the eager young stud made. But all Steve could think about was how Eric implied there was something seriously wrong with Danny. Something that had his Danno wanting to take early retirement. Steve broke out in a sweat just thinking of what could have made Danny change his mind.

Steve went into stealth mode as he snuck past the hospital staff guarding Danny’s room. He was an hour early for evening visiting hours. Steve entered Danny’s room and quietly shut the door. 

Danny looked up sleepily from his unappetizing dinner. “You karate chop any elderly nurses to get in here, McGarrett?”

Steve smiled down at the vinyl tiled floor. “Naaa. They never saw me coming.” When he raised his eyes he found a fond smile gracing Danny’s face, an invitation to come closer that Steve gladly accepted. 

Danny reached over the bedrail and took Steve’s hand. “Steve. I’m glad you came. I wanna say I’m sorry about how I reacted. I know now you were just looking out for me. One can not expect an apeman to handle an exit interview with sensitivity.” Steve held on tight and began to caress the back of Danny’s hand with his thumb. 

“You’re right. I was insensitive and overbearing. But I’m not sorry. I want you safe, partner. We both almost bought it when that dirty bomb went off. I’m so glad you came out whole and alive. I want to keep you that way, Danno.”

When Danny tried to remove his hand from Steve’s, he was met with resistance. He closed his eyes and inwardly cursed his raging hormones. Having Steve near was torture. Having him touch him was ecstasy. Having him speak softly about how much he loved him, enough to set him free was tearing his heart to pieces.

“Danno? What is it buddy? Eric said something was wrong…”

Danny’s tired eyes flew open. “What did Eric say to you?”

Steve was even more concerned at that reaction. “He didn’t tell me anything specific. He just said you made him your medical first contact. He told me to talk to you.”

“I’m gonna ring his neck. He was just pullin’ your chain, Steve. He was upset that he wasn’t informed about the accident. Eric is very protective of me. I thought it made sense to change the forms, me being retired and all. I wouldn't have changed it if he wasn’t so insistent.”

“I understand, Danny, I do. I’m not in a great place physically right now and Eric only has your welfare in mind. Are you sure you’re alright otherwise? No complications or anything?”

Danny squeezed Steve’s hand. “I’m fine, babe. I got a lot of things to work through in my mind. But I got time.” He hated lying to Steve, but he wasn’t ready to tell him his real plans yet. Not until he talked to the specialists Dr. Silverman had recommended.

“Danny, you know I love you right? You are my best friend, my brother, my ohana. And we are going to open ‘Steve’s’ together. Taking a new work partner, doesn’t change that.”

Danny scratched his head nervously. “About that, Steve. I heard rumours even in here that you and Junior are having a … thing.” 

Steve’s eyes opened wide. “Ummm. Danny. Hey…”

Danny cut him off with a wave. “No. No. Uh, I know the same has been said about you and me for years. I just thought I’d get it straight. No pun… I mean…”

Steve looked down at the floor. He wanted to take Danny in his arms and make him forget he was ever jealous of Junior. Steve could tell Danny was holding back a major rant about selfish Navy SEALS and their primal animal needs. Or something else just as appropriate. He was in too deep to back out now. Steve raised his hand as if to hammer the final nail in the coffin that was his relationship with Danny.

“Yeah, well, Danny. We are… together.” Steve was ashamed at how easily he lied to the man he loved. “We make a good team and he wanted it so much. I’m not a saint. He offered. I accepted. Boom.”

Danny took a deep breath and reached for his bottled water. Steve eagerly grabbed it, opened it and handed it to Danny. Danny took several sips and handed it back to Steve who was playing with the cap with fumbling fingers. “Do you love him, Steve? Have you told him you loved him?”

Steve just stared at the cap in his hands and nodded. “That doesn’t mean I love you less, Danno. It’s a different kind of love is all.”

“I understand that now, Steve. It’s probably good you left me to stew in my juices for a while. I want to retire. There are things that are more important to me than being a cop. Your continued friendship being one of them. I love you too, Steve. If you don’t mind, I’m beat… these drugs just knock...”

“Sure, buddy. I’ll just sit here while you take a nap.”

“You can go, babe. I’m good.”

“I’d like to stay, Danno.”

“Okay. But watching me sleep is still creepy.”

Steve didn’t care how creepy it was. He held on to Danny’s hand and moved on to rub his arm up and down, warmed by the feel of the soft fur there. When Danny’s breath evened out, Steve stroked Danny’s hair and brushed Danny’s cheek with his fingers. When he was sure Danny was fast asleep he whispered, “I love you so much, Danno. I wish we could spend everyday together and hold each other close all night long. Oh, babe. I want you so bad. But I know you’ll be happier in the long run without me.”

~~~5-0~~~

Danny’s recovery was anything but restful. Dr. Silverman made appointments for Danny with Dr. Dixon, the top man in ARS at Tripler Army Medical Center and Dr. Nee, a local gynecologist who specializes in infertility. Dr. Nee usually dealt with couples, but was thrilled to work with Danny. So thrilled he decided to forego charging him for his services as long as he could eventually publish his findings, to which Danny agreed as long as he kept Danny’s identity a secret.

Danny had weekly appointments with Silverman, Dixon and Nee. He felt like a mix of Frankenstein’s monster and an acupuncturist’s pincushion. The tests were varied and endless. Silverman also recommended that Danny see a private therapist through the HPD health services, but he was able to convince Silverman that the fewer people to know about his condition the better and that Chloe Gordon could act as his counselor unless she determined that Danny should be referred to a psychiatrist.

Eric and Chloe had been godsends to the now former detective. Knowing his condition, they both helped out with the kids, the depression and the mood swings. Chloe enjoyed organizing Danny’s appointments and the children’s many schedules and activities. She included Steve in her charts, having him spend as much quality time with Charley as possible. Danny was secretly whisked away to his doctors’ appointments and Steve never realized that Danny had more on his plate than weekly checkups with Dr. Silverman. Chloe also, as per Danny’s wishes, made sure Danny was never alone with Steve. Danny wanted Steve in the dark until he knew more about his condition.

Danny was nervous about his appointment with Dr. Nee and asked Chloe to accompany him. It was his third time seeing the doctor and most of his test results were in. Dr. Nee was an oddly gregarious man with long grey hair he wore in a ponytail and bright blue eyes that seemed to wander away at times as he spoke. His usual attire was shorts, bright shirts, slip on vans and an open lab coat.

Chloe reached out and placed a hand on Danny’s knee. “Danny. It will be okay. Whatever happens, you can deal with it. I’m not going anywhere and neither is Eric. Your other friends and family will support you as well when you decide to tell them and Steve…”

She lured Danny’s thoughts away from his worries by saying the magic name. “What about Steve, Chloe?”

“Steve will be thrilled when you tell him what’s been going on. I can tell he thinks you and I are having a fling.”

Danny smirked at the thought that Steve was jealous. “Oh, Chloe, are you sure? I mean, it’s not that I wouldn’t have a fling with you. Actually, I could see having a wonderful relationship with you, sweetie. But you know my heart is Steve’s.”

“I wasn’t fishing for compliments. I get enough of those from Eric and Kamekona. It’s rather fun being fought over like a princess by two warring knights.”

Danny patted her hand. She had a wonderful way of drawing him out of his head. “You deserve to be fought over. I hope you’re making them squirm before you hook one of them.” 

“I am enjoying myself. I like both of them very much. I’m afraid I’m falling in love with one of them.”

“Why afraid, Chloe? Because of what happened to your fiancé?”

Chloe nodded. “I know it’s unreasonable. But I’m afraid to love again and lose again.”

“I know, sweetheart. I know. Love is a scary thing, but it’s worth it.”

They were interrupted as Danny was called into Dr Nee’s office. Chloe and Danny both entered and sat down in neat, leather club chairs before a massive oak desk. Dr Nee hurried in with a handful of files and papers and sat behind the desk.

“Hello, Danny, Chloe. I have some interesting news. Whether it’s good or not so good news is up to you, Danny.”

“Go ahead, Dr. Nee. Chloe is here for moral support. She can hear what you have to say.”

The doctor’s bright smile lit up the room. ”This case is so exciting! Well, as you know, you requested tests to show whether or not you would be able to carry a fetus to full term. First, since you denied hormone treatments, your uterus seems to be growing steadily to a normal size as your estrogen and progesterone hormones increase. Your injuries are healing nicely. What is really exciting is that we found ovaries also. We tested and found that you do have eggs present. Dormant, without any means of insemination. You don’t have a vagina, and there is not a functioning fallopian tube.”

Danny frowned trying to understand. “So I could hypothetically carry a child, but that’s it. Could I like… do that thing women do to donate their eggs...”

Chloe spoke up. “You mean harvesting, Danny?”

“Yeah, Yes. Harvesting. Could I do that and maybe have a friend, a special male friend, donate sperm to fertilize my egg? Then tuck it all back in there and let it bake?”

Dr. Nee broke out in another wide smile. “Hypothetically, it’s possible. But first you have to heal. Completely. Then you will need to go over procedures with me. I want you well informed of all the risks involved, And there will be many. We can adapt equipment to meet your specific needs. None of this will be easy. You will need a lot of support. Danny, I see loving couples everyday that are desperate for a child. You have two beautiful children of your own.Yet you want another. Is going through pregnancy really worth the risks to you and the unborn child?”

“Doctor, I’m not doing this for fame or money or just because I can, if that’s what’s worrying you. The special friend I mentioned, he’s dying from the same exposure to radiation that did this to me. We aren’t a traditional couple, or even an untraditional one. As a matter of fact, he’s with someone else right now. But I love him with all I am and he loves me. I want to give him this chance to have a child of his own. This isn’t for me. It’s for him. He deserves this chance. This child would be conceived in love, no doubt about it.”

Danny hung his head and covered his face as he began to tear up and Chloe stood to gently massage his shoulders that shook with silent sobs. Dr. Nee handed Danny a tissue box. “Hormones are a bitch, aren’t they?” Dr. Nee asked after Danny’s emotional outburst had passed. Danny and Chloe both laughed as the tension broke and the doctor went over Danny’s other more mundane test results.

~~~5-0~~~

Danny’s return to work part time was awkward and ironically stressful. He came in early hoping to grab a coffee and settle in before Steve or the crew arrived, walking through the door a bit stiffly. He still tired easily, but he felt healthy overall. Healthy enough to throw a fit first thing.

“Junior? What the flying frickle are you doing in my office?”

Junior jumped up spilling his coffee on Danny’s keyboard. He scrambled for fast food napkins to clean up the drips. An assortment of coffee cups, granola bar wrappers and empty water bottles was already cluttering the desk.

“Oh, hello, Sir. The Commander didn’t mention you’d be back today.”

Danny crossed his arms. “Obviously,” he said quietly.

“Yeah, well. I was using your computer while you were gone. I meant to clean up before but…”

“No. No, Junior. Don’t, uh, move. As matter of fact, let’s make it official. I’ll move my crap to a cardboard box and you just take over my old life. You seem to be pretty good at that.” Danny grabbed an empty file box from the corner and started throwing things in. He stopped a moment to look at a picture of him, Grace and Steve that had been taken at Steve’s place. Their faces captured in time looked so happy. Content, even. He placed the picture gently into the box when Steve walked in.

“Danny!” Steve went to give his now former partner a hug, but Danny pushed the box at him instead. Steve looked from Danny to Junior and back again. “Danny? What’s goin’ on?”

Danny snarled out the words. “Couldn’t wait, could you? You have to humiliate me in front of everyone I know? I thought I knew you, Steve. I thought you were better than this. You really are a selfish neanderthal animal. And a cruel one, too!”

“Danny. Danny! What the fuck are you talking about?”

Danny waved his healed arm around him. “My office. I earned this office. Sweat, blood and tears. Many tears, buddy boy. For many years. And you let the McGarrett clone take it over?”

“Wait Danny…”

Danny stuck out his chin and moved threatenly towards Steve. Junior stepped in between them. “Don’t disrespect the Commander, Williams! Stand down or I’ll be forced to subdue you.”

Danny laughed dangerously. “It’s Williams, now is it? And you’re going to subdue me? What? You puttin’ on a show for your man crush? Or maybe you are marking your territory?” Danny made a fist and stepped towards Junior. “Let’s see you try to subdue this, Junior Delinquent.” before Danny could land a punch, Junior had his gun out pointed at Danny’s heart.

Steve pushed Danny aside, stepping in front of the gun. “Whoa, whoa there, cowboys! Junior! Put the fucking gun away. Junior?”

As Danny stared at his replacement, he felt the rage leave his body and realized what was happening. He placed a hand across Steve’s chest. “Steve, stay back. He’s having a flashback.” In a soft caring voice, Danny addressed the stressed ex-SEAL. “Buddy? It’s okay. It’s okay. I won’t hurt you. Give me the gun and we’ll forget about everything. We’ll just talk and hang out. Just good buddies, huh? Come on, man.”

Junior seemed to crumble into himself. He placed his gun in Danny’s outstretched hand. Danny took the gun and clicked the safety back on while Junior melted into Steve’s arms, sobbing out his apologies. “It’s alright, buddy.” Danny glared at Steve as he patted Junior’s back. “We’re all friends here. Steve, take Junior out for some coffee, huh? Have a little talk?”

Junior hesitated only a moment before he murmured his thanks to Steve and kissed him gently on the cheek. Then Junior wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist and pulled him out the door. 

Steve looked back to see Danny’s reaction and Danny couldn’t take anymore. “Steve. I… I’m gonna clear out my office and then head home. I’m not feeling too good. Maybe I came back too soon. I’ll be back tomorrow. Junior, I’m sorry about my unprofessional attitude causing you a setback. The office is all yours. You’re Steve’s partner now.” He faked a smile and tried to lighten the heavy mood. “But I’m takin’ the frickin’ computer and my chair. It’s molded to my butt perfectly.”

Steve left quickly before he told Danny everything and begged his forgiveness. Danny pulled the blinds, locked the door and burst into tears.


	4. Workin' My Way Back To You

Danny was like a shadow-loving ghost that haunted the Palace by day and wandered the rooms of his silent home at night. He wondered when exactly his life had become a series of heartbreak tunes from the sixties.

 _Silence is golden, but my eyes still see._  
_Silence is golden, golden, but my eyes still see._

Danny wasn’t taking part in any cases, except to lend a hand here and there with pulling up files or running plates if Jerry was busy. He spent most of his time observing Steve. Steve was friendly towards Danny, pulling him into the office whenever he could, closing the door and making plans for Steve’s. He seemed to be obsessed with having everything perfect as if he were planning on selling it, rather than running it. Danny felt that opening night was years away, if they managed to make it that far on their limited resources.

But Danny put that worry on a back burner. If it pleased Steve to play the micromanaging restaurateur, he had no objections. What Danny did worry about was Steve’s strange relationship with Junior. He never caught Steve seeking him out for meals or conversations. Which could mean they had decided to cool it at work. But, at least on Steve’s side, there was no spark. 

Danny had more fun tagging along with Chloe on her dates with the battling Kamekoma and Eric than Steve had hanging out with Junior. Junior on the other hand spent a lot of his free time with Tani. Poor Lou ignored everyone equally and looked at the younger Danny like he wondered when McGarrett would finally wise up and give Lou the old gold watch and handshake routine. 

What worried Danny the most about Steve was that he seemed so alone even when surrounded by his team and his presumed lover. Steve only seemed alive when he did something stupidly dangerous. Like flying in an air race with a possibly sabotaged plane or heading off to no man’s land with Junior to save the life of his mentor, Joe White. It occured to Danny that Steve was taking more risks than ever now that Danny wasn’t there to reel him in with his heartfelt love and genuine concern for his life.

Danny kept his hours erratic to cover up his many doctor visits. Dr. Nee had basically told him he was ready whenever Danny and Steve were to begin the procedures that could possibly give them their very wanted child. Danny hoped that when he finally told Steve about the gift he wanted to give him, he wouldn’t laugh in his face and end their long but currently tenuous friendship for good.

~~~5-0~~~

Danny had asked Steve to spend some one-on-one time with Charlie who was starting to notice that they never went to Uncle Steve’s house anymore. Steve was more than willing, having missed Charlie hanging out on his lanai almost as much as he missed Danny. Steve was driving Charlie home after spending a wonderful day showing the little man around an active submarine, docked for repairs and captained by an old friend. Charlie was a big hit with the homesick crew and he ended up with little gifts from almost everyone he met. He was sporting the captain’s ball cap and his Ninja Turtle backpack was full of candy and ‘sailor food’ as Charlie named it consisting mostly of potato chips and Doritos. In his hand was a toy submarine with a working periscope.

“Uncle Steve? I think I wanna be a sub’arine captain when I grow up.”

“Well, that’s a fine ambition, Blondie. You think you’d like to live under the ocean.”

Charlie nodded rapidly. “Oh yeah. I’d chase the sharks away with my sub’arine and let all the kids play safe in the water. I could keep the islands safe for kids ‘cause my Danno is real-tired and can’t do that anymore.”

Steve frowned, trying to puzzle out what Charlie was saying. “Oh! You mean Danno is retired. Did Danno tell you he was retired?”

“No. I’m pretty good at ears dropping. Gracie said I had to ears drop on Danno and E-train and Auntie Chloe.”

“Auntie Chloe, huh? She sure hangs around your house a lot.”

“I like her. She gives great hugs. She hugs and kisses my Danno when he cries. I don’t like my Danno to cry so I’m glad she hugs him.”

Steve hated to hear Danny was unhappy. He felt a hot spike of jealousy that Chloe was the one comforting him and wondered if Chloe was relieving Danny’s stress in any other way. His fears that they were having an affair bubbled to the surface. Steve knew that a man like his partner would never stay single for long and Chloe Gordon was someone who would appreciate Danny’s tender nature that he hid under a streetwise snarky attitude. The thought made Steve shiver. “Why’s Danno crying, Charlie? Do you know?”

“Gracie says Danno won’t tell us when he needs help. So I listen and tells Gracie what I hears and she helps me understand. It’s ‘portant. My Danno is crying ‘cause my Danno is sick.”

Steve’s heart clenched painfully in his chest. “Do you mean Danno was sick from his car accident and is getting better?” 

“Nawhaw. This is different sick than that. My Danno is… A. R. S. Gracie says it’s a disease that heroes get. You have it, too, and we need to take care of both of you because you are both stubborn and gets real-tired. So I’m gonna get a sub’arine and takes care of both of you.” Charley went on to make submarine noises with his toy. “You gotta wait ‘till I’m old enough, but Gracie said you and my Danno can run Steve’s Restaurant and me and Gracie will help with that right away. I’m little but I can get things for you and Gracie is gonna be a hostess so you and my Danno can have a rest and gets betters.”

 

Steve was stunned. He reached over and ruffled Charlie’s golden hair. “Thanks for telling me, buddy. I love you so much, Charlie.”

“Love you, too, Uncle Steve. May I have some sailor food from my pack?”

“Sure. Pick out one thing. You got quite a haul.”

Charlie happily rummaged through his pack and decided on a snack size M&M bag. Steve watched the little boy carefully open his candy and pick out the yellow M&M’s. Charlie turned on the CD player and pushed in his favorite music that he had retrieved from his backpack.

 _Don't let your love go astray_  
_Save it for me_  
_Don't give your sweet kiss away_  
_Save it for me_  
_I know you're feeling blue_  
_'cause I feel blue like you_  
_I'll be strong as you are and wait just as long as you_

 _Don't waste that look I adore_  
_Save it for me_  
_Just wait a little bit more_  
_Save it for me_  
_I know that you must cry_

 _cry baby so do I_  
_Just sit tight and leave on your light_  
_'Cause I'm coming home to your arms_  
_Oh baby I'm coming home to your arms_

Steve held on tight to the steering wheel as he took in all that Charlie had said. Danny had ARS like he did. Only he didn’t want Steve to know. But why? Maybe Danny didn’t want to burden Steve with his illness. That faulty logic sounded familiar. The lyrics of the song spoke to his heart. If Danny were sick, it changed everything.

“Oh, baby. I’m comin’ home to your arrrrrrms!” Charlie sang while munching all the yellow candies together in his chocolate covered mouth.

Steve had a thought that threatened to take his breath away. What if Danny was depressed or even suicidal? That would explain the crying and why Danny had turned to his ever-present stress counselor instead of him. A wave of panic washed across Steve’s brain. Suddenly he desperately wanted to live. He Had to make sure Danny was loved and taken care of and protected. Steve wanted Danny back in his life. He hoped it wasn’t too late, that the damage Steve caused wasn’t irreparable. 

Steve dropped Charlie off and the boy gathered his treasures, kissed his uncle and, like the song that Charlie loved, ran into the waiting arms of his cousin Eric. Eric picked Charlie up and turned his back without waving to Steve. Steve noticed the Camaro was in the drive, but he knew Danny wasn’t home. Danny would take Charlie into his arms and say thank you, if he were home. He wondered where he could possibly be and who was driving his Danno around.

Steve’s phone chirped and he saw it was Danny. He reached over and turned down the volume knob on the dash.

//Danny? Where are you? You okay?//

//Am I okay? Can’t you just once answer the phone like a normal person?//

//Sorry, Danny. Why you calling?//

//Cheese and crackers, McGarrett. We have got to send you to phone etiquette school. I just wanted to know if you’ll meet me for dinner.//

//Meet you for dinner?//

//Steve. What is with you? Yeah, dinner. Some of us mortals eat from time to time.//

//Oh, Uhhh. Sure, Danno. I want to eat with you. Where? I’m at your house. I just dropped Charlie off.//

//So did he like the sub? Was he good? I was worried he might have inherited my claustrophobia.//

//He was great. Won over the whole crew. Says he wants to be a submarine captain when he grows up and keep us all safe.//

//That’s my boy. You do know that I’ll never let him join the Army.//

//Navy. Danny. Navy.//

//That never gets old, babe. Meet me at Caesars. We’ll size up the competition.//

//Okay. Bye, Danno.//

Steve smiled as he headed for Caesars, turning up the volume on the CD Charlie had left behind.

 _Now the nights are long and lonely_  
_And I ain't too strong babe, I just miss you so_  
_And you're too proud, you won't give in_  
_But when I think, about all I could win_

 _I keep workin' my way back to you babe_  
_With a burnin' love inside_  
_Mmm, I'm workin' my way back to you babe_  
_And the happiness that died_

  
_Been payin' every day_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah_

Steve kept the beat with his palm on the steering wheel and sang along.

~~~5-0~~~

Caesar’s was a family style pizza place near the palace. Five-0 ordered delivery from them often because Danny deemed their pizza, “not disgustingly horrible.” Danny could order a meatball hero that according to him had, “a passing resemblance to the sandwiches back in Jersey.” Steve wasn’t aware that the friendly place had a brick patio ‘round the back. He found Danny sitting at a cast iron table under a festive red, green and white umbrella.

Danny stood when he saw Steve. He hesitated only a moment before opening his arms for a hug. Steve fell into his embrace and held on tight, resting his head on Danny’s shoulder and closing his eyes. Steve let the warmth of Danny’s love wash over him. “Steve? You okay, babe?” 

Steve nodded and slowly pushed Danny away, hating to let go. “Yeah. I… I’m just really glad to see you… you know, outside of the office.”

Danny smiled and nodded. “Sit down, Steve. I ordered you a pizza-pal meal with a juicy juice. I know you like those.” 

Steve smiled. Danno knew him like no other. “Sounds good. You wanted to talk about something Danny?”

Danny waved his hand. “I do, but I wanted to eat with you too. Like you said. It’s nice to see you, buddy.”

The smooth, experienced waitress had their food, drinks and utensils ready for them as soon as she saw Steve arrive. They ate and chatted about sports and the kid’s latest exploits. Steve told Danny about his day out with Charlie in detail. Finally they both grabbed napkins and wiped their mouths and fingers. Danny ordered two coffees, knowing of course how Steve liked his.

When the coffee arrived, they both clasped their mugs like shields. They ran out of light conversation and simply looked at each other long and hard. Before Danny could start his prepared speech, Steve held up a hand.. “I know, Danny. I know you have ARS like I do. Charlie just told me although he doesn’t understand what it means. Grace told him it was a disease that heroes get and she was right.”

“What? My kids know?” 

Steve took Danny’s hand in his. “You have very smart kids, Danno. Smarter than us. Danny, how long have you known? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Danny didn’t know what to do or say. This was a scenario he’d never imagined. Steve’s eyes soft with concern, Steve’s hand squeezing his gently. “I… I… uh… I found out after my car accident. Dr. Silverman found… something… when he operated on me.” Danny quickly backpedaled when Steve’s eyes grew wide. “No. Steve, no. Not cancer. An abnormality in my pelvis.”

Steve frowned, trying to understand. “What… like a lump or… “

Danny took a sip of coffee to buy some time. His resolve to tell Steve the truth was failing. “Uh, yeah. Not cancer but a… growth. It keeps growing. The uh, doctors are watching it closely.”

Steve seemed to accept that for now. “Do you have other symptoms? Like me? Do you feel feverish sometimes? Do you have any pain?”

“Some, a little bit of pain sometimes, killer cramps once in a while and I get these mood swings…”

“Crying. That explains the crying.”

“What?”

“Well, you and Chloe. You… she… she knows about the ARS, right? And Eric, no wonder he wanted to be your medical proxy. Danny, I’m so sorry. I was so selfish. I should have been there. But Chloe, she was there so you and Chloe...”

Danny leaned back, wondering where Steve was going with this. “What about Chloe and me?”

“Danny, I get it. She supports you. God knows you needed someone.”

“I did, I do, Steve. Chloe’s been a wonderfully supportive friend and she’s a good therapist, too. But she’s dating my nephew.”

“Eric?”

“Yeah, Eric. They got a good thing goin’, too. They’re not ready to take the plunge, but they are happy. I like to see the people I love happy, Steve. Are you… happy… with Junior?”

Steve sipped at his lukewarm coffee and grimaced. The waitress hurried over with a steaming coffee pot to warm up their cups. “Mahalo,” Steve said as he nodded and smiled at the waitress  
Danny held his hand over his cup to prevent a fill-up, never taking his eyes off Steve. 

Steve took a hesitant sip and began.“Danno, man, I… I haven’t been… I’ve been…”

“Steve. It’s me. You can talk to me. Please.”

“Okay, okay. When I found out I had ARS I started to think about the future and I just didn’t like what I saw. I love you. I didn’t want you to have to take care of me, put your dreams on hold until I… died.” Steve looked up to see Danny smiling sadly. 

“Are you saying you tried to push me away on purpose?”

Steve nodded, his shame evident. “It was so hard, Danno. So hard to distance myself from you. You make it so hard… not to want you.”

“Whoa. Whoa. Hold the phone. You sayin’ you pushed me away because you wanted more than what we had? What about Junior?”

“I’m ashamed to say I was using his infatuation with me to make it seem like we were together. Oh, he wants me for sure. But we really only kissed once. He thinks I’m waiting for you to officially retire before I break up with you. I have no interest in him as a partner in any way.”

“Steve, what is wrong with you? How do you come up with these wacked off thoughts? I mean, is this natural for you or do you practice being a moronic schmuck? You’re dealing with people’s lives here. Me, Junior, the team, my, my kids. We all love you. Of course we want to take care of you. That’s no hardship. Anyone who has ever loved anyone will tell you that it’s a blessing to care for the ones you love. How dare you push people away!”

Steve shook his head trying to ease the burning of tears behind his eyes. “No, Danny. I’d rather die than be a burden to the ones I love. I’d rather die than…”

Steve stopped as he saw Danny still and go pale. Suddenly Danny hit the table hard with his fist, spilling his coffee and knocking his spoon to the floor. “You. You!” Danny bit back the ripe curses on his tongue. “You were gonna off yourself weren’t you? Huh? Weren’t you? Death by heroic act. That’s why you wanted Junior as your partner. He wouldn’t notice. He wouldn’t stop you. He wouldn’t save you like I would.”

Steve looked deep into his coffee cup and nodded once. “Danny. Please. I’m sorry. I was so wrong. I tried. I did try. At the air race, I was so close but I heard you in my headset. I pulled up at the last moment. Now I know why. You being sick changes everything. I’d never dream of leaving you to face this alone. I don’t care what we are, brothers, lovers, it doesn’t matter. I would never leave you…”

Danny stood up, his voice choked with tears. “What makes you think I could feel any different about you, babe? Look, I… I need to walk. I got these…uhhh, mood things. I… I gotta go calm down. I’ll call you later.” He threw some bills on the table and walked out. 

Steve hesitated only a moment before following him. Danny hadn’t gone far. He was sitting on a stone wall under a small stand of palm trees, the only shade available on the whole block. His hand was over his face. Steve walked up to him and pulled Danny into his arms. Danny huffed and wrapped his fingers into Steve’s shirt. Steve felt Danno tremble with emotion. “There’s more isn’t there, Danno? You asked me to dinner to tell me something else. Tell me now. I swear I won’t push you away.”

Steve’s soft tones felt like cool aloe on Danny’s heated skin. He pulled away slightly and loosened his grasp. “Yeah. There is something else. Something I want to give you. No strings, just a gift from my heart to yours.”

“Danny?”

“I don’t just have a growth, Steve. I have… a uterus and ovaries. They were dormant till the radiation caused them to mature. Dr. Silverman found out when he operated on me after the crash. I’ve been to specialists. I can have a baby, Steve. And I want to have your baby. Brother, lover, I don’t care. I want you to have a child of your own and I would be honored to be the surrogate and supply the egg and… the womb… Oh, mother-of-pearl, say something!”

Steve’s eyes went wide and wild. He searched Danny’s pale face for any sign of humor or deceit. “It’s true? The radiation caused… You can have a child?” 

Danny nodded as he worried his bottom lip waiting for an explosion. 

Steve placed his open palm on Danny’s cheek and caressed it as he drew his thumb slowly across Danny’s reddened lips. “A gift? You want to give me the gift of a child? Our child?” Danny nodded again and began to laugh even as his traitorous hormones filled his eyes with tears. “Danny? Oh, Danno.” Steve cupped Danny’s face in both palms and shook Danny ever so gently. “Our child, Danno. Me and you. I couldn’t love you more than at this moment, babe. Please don’t cry. I never want to make you cry again.” 

Danny laughed hysterically again. “Oh, Steve. It’s been awful as far as emotions go. I don’t know how woman exist like this! But Dr. Nee says, he’s the fertility specialist, I want you to see him with me by the way, he’ll explain the dangers and stuff. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it. Anyway, the doc said that my mood swings are all my own. Like me. Unique. I gotta warn ya. One minute I’ll be crying at kitten chow commercials and the next Eric will be holding me back from beltin’ the Federal Express guy for ringing the bell ten times. Lucky me!”

“God, Danno. Lucky us!” Steve leaned down and kissed Danny’s captured lips. The soft sweetness of their first kiss was a healing tonic as their worries melted around them. They finally drew apart and Steve smiled wider than he ever had before. Danny chuckled. “Guess we know whether it’s brothers or lovers for us, huh? Gen or slash.” 

Steve started to play with Danny’s hair. “What’s that?” Danny purred like a contented cat. “Just something I picked up on the internet. Steve, I have a lot to explain to you. We need some privacy. Eric and Chloe are babysitting Charlie and Grace. I… uh, told them what I was telling you at dinner. I’ll just give them a call later. They’ll be worried about me. Let’s go for a drive.”

Steve took Danny’s arm and wouldn’t let go as they walked to the Silverado. “Okay, babe. I want you to know, Danno. Even if you can’t do this marvelous thing for me. I still want to change my life and give our relationship all I have. I’ll work things out with Junior. I sure fucked up with him. Maybe… maybe it’s time for me to give up 5-0, and retire, too. We can open the restaurant and you Gracie and Charlie can move in with me when we get everything worked out. We’ll be a real family, a strong ohana. Maybe we’ll get married. I can build our baby an awesome nursery.”

Danny grabbed Steve’s arm bringing him to a halt. “Whoa there, hot shot. Was that a marriage proposal thrown in there? Oh, no, no, nope! You gotta wine and dine this boy. I’m not easy. And I need apologies. A bunch. And sucking up. Lots of that and you gotta promise me you’ll…”

Steve took Danny in his arms and silenced him with a sweet kiss that stopped Danny’s righteous rant before he got on a major roll. “I promise I’ll do anything you want. And I promise I’ll do all I can to stay healthy, Danno. I’ve got something special to live for now I gotta live for you. To take care of my man even if the baby thing doesn’t happen. I’ll even listen to your stress manager. I’m glad you have Chloe and Eric watching out for you. Damn, Danny. I was such a fool. I hate that you went through what you did without me. How did you… adjust? You seem so confident.”

“It wasn’t easy. Chloe helped a lot. I guess I’ve always been bisexual but never admitted it to myself. All I know is I feel good about being a man who can give the love of his life a child. I feel privileged, blessed. I’m at peace with being what I am. A human being perfect in my imperfections. A man can be many things. He can fight hard for those he loves and have a soft open heart for them to rest within. It’s all about the walk, babe. Head held high and proud of whatever you are. And I… I had this funny vision in the hospital. Frankie Valli had a talk with me. He said you were worth fighting for.”

“Frankie Valli from Charlie’s CD? He said that? That’s so ...cool! You know, Danno, I think that CD is possessed. It keeps sending me messages, too.”

“Huh? I guess once you’re really in love you can relate to all the love songs in the world.”

“You saying you’re really in love, Danno?”

“Haven’t I mentioned that? I’m in love with you, ya big goof.”

“I love you too, Danno.” They reached the truck and Steve opened the doors. They both got in and buckled up. Steve turned the key and the truck was filled once again with the sounds of the past and the future. Steve reached over and took Danny’s hand.

 _You're just too good to be true_  
_Can't take my eyes off of you_  
_You'd be like heaven to touch_  
_I wanna hold you so much_  
_At long last love has arrived_  
_And I thank God I'm alive_  
_You're just too good to be true_  
_Can't take my eyes off of you_

The End?


End file.
